Out of the mouth of babes....

I went to school yesterday to have lunch with Braden.  I am trying to be more intentional about doing special things just with him.  I recognize that he gets the leftovers of me more than he gets "my best".  So, it seems to be a good thing....we have had some nice times lately and his behavior has been better...maybe there is a connection.

While I was having lunch I was scoping out all the other kids in the class.  I was trying to find out which one of the boys enjoyed the trip to the principal's office with Braden.  Braden pointed him out and he did look a little mean...:)  Truly, he did.  I got the low down on all the kids and who got "green" and who was always on "yellow" or "red".  It was a very informative lunch.

I also had a chance to talk with another teacher in kindergarten.  She's a church member and knows some of Braden's struggles.  God used her to encourage me....I walked away from that discussion feeling a little more hopeful about things.

Hope is, after all, the single most important thing I have to hang on to.  I suppose faith ranks higher but it is because of my faith that I have hope.  I was thinking about this the other day while we were in the training about the importance of fathers.  One of the biggest gifts we can give single moms is "hope".  If we can convince them there is hope, they will attempt to move mountains....they will be more open to learning new ways to deal with their children...etc.

I digressed.....

So, while I was eating lunch one of the kids across the table asked Braden "is that your grandma?"  I laughed out loud.....I thought he was kidding.  Nope, he was as serious as a kindergarten boy gets.  It's a good thing he was sitting across the table because I might have slapped him if he had been next to me.  Seriously, do I really look like I could be Braden's grandma?  I have to admit that I looked down at what I was wearing and wondered if it was a style issue?  Maybe I need a new wardrobe...a new do...something...

Age is bothering me these days.  It's utterly stupid and vain and ridiculous, but I hate that I am bearing down on 40 and I am alone....I hate it....I never wanted to be a 40 year old single mom....And, if I am honest, it feels a little bit like rejection....like I am a loser to be in the situation I am in....

I know I'm not a loser....but it sure has been feeling that way lately...

I'm working on it....I know it's a spiritual battle....a stupid spiritual battle that I shouldn't even have allowed myself to get drawn into....