Is it really ALL good?

A person that I love and respect had this listed as her status on Facebook:

"It's ALL good. If we believe God's plan for us is good, if we believe He partners with everything for our benefit---then it's all good. Even when things look bad, it's all GOOD!"

I tried not to react to it....I tried to talk myself out of responding to it...but, I did.

My comment was "I look at it a little differently...GOD is good...life here is not always good , but the amazing thing about God is that He is able to bring good from EVERYTHING...now, that's a good God!"

I'm pretty sure there is nothing good about a 2, 4, and 6 year old losing their daddy in a head-on car accident that ends in blunt force trauma that takes his life. I've considered whether I should get to a point where I call that "good". I honestly don't think God expects that of me.

Yet, I believe with all my heart that God can bring good out of any circumstance we find outselves in. I've seen it, experienced it and consider those times to be evidence of God's work in my life.

Do we really expect people to be able to call everything "good". The Bible is pretty clear on the "evil" of this world. I could never look one of my clients in the eye and say "It's all good, your dad may have raped you but it's all good...." We lose credibility when we try to call everything in this world good....GOD is the good in this world....everything else is less than what it was created to be...

I worship a God who is good.....but life isn't always good. I rest my case.

Lessons from Parasailing....

The highlight of our vacation was parasailing. I LOVED seeing the looks on my kids faces when they were taking off. I LOVED the giggles from my boys as they were reacting to the experience. It was one of those "moments" that will never be forgotten (by me at least).

As I was sailing through the air and looking down on the ocean I was drawn into the beauty and mystery of the ocean. The view was absolutely AMAZING...STUNNING....BREATHTAKING. The colors of green and blue melted together and the water sparkled with clarity. It was so much more beautiful from our perch 500 feet up than it was in the boat.

And, the light bulb goes off.....

It's all about perspective, isn't it?

I know the ocean is beautiful but to experience it from above is magnificent. Everything looks different when you can see the big picture.

Again....the light bulb goes off....

Most of the time I am so focused on my world only as I can see it now that I can't appreciate the beauty and mystery of life. I can't see the view of my life from a parasail. I wish I could. IF I could, I have a feeling I would be overcome by the tapestry that is being woven.

Sometimes I get glimpses of it, but I've not been allowed to see it the way I'd like to....still, I trust God that what He is doing is indeed beautiful.

Today was a little bit of a glimpse of what is emerging in my life. We have been working at a slow process of developing a volunteer Crisis response team in our city that involves multiple people, agencies, churches, etc. This was spurred on by a partnership that evolved as a result of the directed study I did last semester. Our local police chaplain and I have been very slowly working through this together. Today, the police chief of our city came to our meeting and reacted very positively to what we are trying to do. I almost wanted to pinch myself when he showed up and participated in our planning and discussion. Really, who would have thought I would get to be involved in something like this? I'm learning a lot as we go but I am grateful to have a seat at the table of our community leaders to discuss how to help our community when crisis occurs. It's just really cool to see something good come out of our efforts.

We also have some potentially unique opportunities to try to support young families in our community. I'm working on a proposal this week to see if we might could get a chance to be involved. I have no idea if it will pan out but the prospects of it are exciting.

I am trusting the view that God has of my life is an amazing one...not because of me but because of an amazing God who can and does and IS bringing beauty from ashes.

For God's work in my life....I am grateful.

Keeping it real...

Father's Day is tough no matter how I look at it.  

It's a strong reminder of what my kids lost....of the deficit that exists in their life that NO ONE can fill but their dad.

It wouldn't matter if there were a hundred men who wanted to be influences in my kids lives....they would still miss Brian's influence.

Vacations are great...but  they are also a reminder that I am completely responsible for everything...the good, the bad and the ugly.  When things go great, I get some credit.  However, when things go bad, I am the only one to deal with it.  

I HATE loading and unloading the car....trudging up elevators and stairs with all our stuff by myself is no fun.

I don't enjoy driving the whole way with no one to relieve me.

I don't like having to make ALL the decisions about everything we do or don't do on vacation.

I don't like having to give lecture after lecture after lecture to my kids about appropriate behavior.

I hate that I couldn't get a stupid kite to fly the other night.  I suck at kite-flying.  I hate that.

Just keeping it real.....

Sweet Sixteen

Today would have been sixteen years of marriage.....

The Tradition Continues....

Not many words needed.....

This one's for you Brian........you would have loved it!  

Four Years Later...

The kids and I (along with my mom, sister and her two kids) are in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.  It has become our practice to take a vacation around the time of the anniversary of Brian's death.  It has worked well for us.  We try to do something special every year.  The first year we went camping.  The second year we built an incredible sand castle in memory of Brian.  Last year we went snorkeling.  This year I have a couple of ideas but will have to see how it all works out. 

So, what's life like for us four years later....

I still miss him.  I think of him every day. 

I am grateful for the life we shared together.

The kids are doing well.  

I'm doing well.  I'm excited about my future.  I have been dreaming again....it feels good.

While I would embrace his presence back into our lives, I wouldn't want the lessons I've learned to be lost or forgotten.  

God has been faithful...and good to us, so very good to us.

I will never be able to call his death a "good" thing.  However, I am able to see very clearly many "good" things that have come from his death.

There are still times when I think "HOW did this happen to my family?"  I know I will never understand.  I'm ok with that.  

The tears don't come very often or freely anymore....when I think of him I mostly think of all the good times we had.  Yet, today, there were tears.  I don't know that June 16th will ever be a tear-free day.  I'm ok with that too.

Four years later....life is different but life is very good.

I'm very blessed.

I'm grateful for God's presence in my life....

I'm grateful for my kids...who give me all the motivation I need to keep growing forward.

No other explanation....

We left today for Fort Walton Beach, Florida.  As is our tradition (thanks to Brian), we prayed together in the driveway before we left for safety.  Actually, we also prayed in the house.  We had a big pow wow about our trip and what my expectations were for the kids.  At the end, we prayed and thanked God for the opportunity to go and asked for His protection.  

So, twice today we asked God to protect us.

He did.

I had taken my eyes off the truck in front of me to look at a police car with his lights flashing on the shoulder.  The next thing I knew I was about to run into a truck that had decided to come to an almost complete stop in the middle of the highway.  I slammed on my brakes and ended up in the median.  

I was shaken up.  Lexi almost hyper-ventilated.  She was so stunned by it.

We got back on the road and I told the kids that there was no explanation as to why we didn't have a wreck other than God protected us.  At our next stop, we prayed and thanked God for protecting us.

I truly believe we were protected today.  There is no other explanation.  It happened so fast and could have been such a very bad accident.

I'm thankful for His protection.  I think my kids saw God at work in our lives today.

To be honest, the fact that He protected us but didn't protect Brian....it still puzzles me.

For God's intervention today....I am very, very, very, profoundly grateful!

By the way, after catching back up to the truck I noticed his trailer's brake lights weren't working.  His trailer hid his truck's brake lights...which explains why it caught me so off guard.    I wanted to pull him over and tell him to get his brake lights fixed...but I didn't.  I just got as far away from him as I could.

Thankful....

It's no secret that I HATE being a landlord. It is a role that I NEVER, EVER wanted. I don't enjoy it one bit. Unfortunately, it appears I am in it for a while longer. The economy is not such that selling is an option.


However, this week I am concentrating on being thankful. I am thankful that the insurance company is putting a brand new roof on my rent house. I will not be out a penny for this 5500.00 improvement. I can be thankful for that.

The insurance company is also paying for some repairs inside the house. My tenant is fixing those things and painting the exterior of the house in exchange for some of the rent he owes me. He does good work and will probably do a better and more thorough job than someone I could have hired. I can be very thankful for that.

My air coniditioner unit has gone on to glory. So, I "get" to replace it to the tune of several thousand dollars. The good news is that I won't have to worry about my new tenants having any problems with the AC. The bad news is that I am out a large chunk of change.

However, I am trying to look at it this way: I am getting a new roof, an outside paint job, inside repairs and a completely new AC unit for about 3500.00. Seems like a heck of a deal to me...if I just look at it that way.


For insurance, I am very grateful.

Thinking of Brian

I was driving in my car the other day and heard this song.....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE


It brought me to tears....


June 16th will be four years.....still missing him....

Happy 6th Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Braden!

Today you turned 6 years old. The pictures above capture your personality and love for life. In your graduation picture you are holding your hat because you didn't like the tassle hanging in your eye. You told your teacher it was "annoying" and so you walked in holding the tassle in its proper place on top of the mortar board....this was one of the few pictures I got of you because you hid behind your friend so I couldn't take any pictures.

The other two pictures were from this weekend. You were playing with worms and pretending to eat them for the camera. I took you tent camping in honor of your birthday. It was our first camping trip as a family. You had a great time! Your dad always talked about wanting to be a "camping family". He loved the outdoors and wanted you all to experience the fun of camping.

You are an amazing young man, full of energy, determination and love. You have been asking lots of questions about your dad lately. I have been trying to answer them in a way that satisfies you. I wish I knew exactly how to help you understand what a great man your dad was and how much he loved you. You will hear stories the rest of your life about things he did and how he loved you. I will never grow tired of telling you about him.

I love you and pray your life as a six year old is the best ever!

To the moon and back....5 million times....

Mom