Keeping it real...

Father's Day is tough no matter how I look at it.  

It's a strong reminder of what my kids lost....of the deficit that exists in their life that NO ONE can fill but their dad.

It wouldn't matter if there were a hundred men who wanted to be influences in my kids lives....they would still miss Brian's influence.

Vacations are great...but  they are also a reminder that I am completely responsible for everything...the good, the bad and the ugly.  When things go great, I get some credit.  However, when things go bad, I am the only one to deal with it.  

I HATE loading and unloading the car....trudging up elevators and stairs with all our stuff by myself is no fun.

I don't enjoy driving the whole way with no one to relieve me.

I don't like having to make ALL the decisions about everything we do or don't do on vacation.

I don't like having to give lecture after lecture after lecture to my kids about appropriate behavior.

I hate that I couldn't get a stupid kite to fly the other night.  I suck at kite-flying.  I hate that.

Just keeping it real.....