tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-349582942024-03-07T16:32:56.756-05:00Evidence of GraceShellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.comBlogger427125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-59782968969245917352010-12-18T20:10:00.002-06:002010-12-18T20:14:12.780-06:00It's been a while....It's been almost 10 months since I last posted. I'm not sure why I stopped. It seemed I had nothing to say.<div><br /></div><div>I went back and read my last few posts and was reminded of what was going on in my heart and head almost a year ago. Sadly, not much has changed. I still struggle to know if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.</div><div><br /></div><div>This Christmas was tough. Life isn't working too well for me right now. I seem to have lost all boundaries. Everything feels out of control and chaotic. I'm under a lot of pressure at work and my parenting struggles have been magnified over the past couple of weeks.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm struggling....hurting...alone.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't have time for me and it is beginning to burn me out. I resent all the people who depend on me for one thing or another. </div><div><br /></div><div>We had Christmas today. There wasn't one present under the tree for me. I spent hours and hundreds of dollars buying for the kids...I wasn't even thought of.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm down.</div><div><br /></div><div>Something has to give.</div><div><br /></div><div>Soon.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-10882690812606114802010-02-10T19:31:00.004-06:002010-02-10T20:13:58.582-06:00Am I there yet?The past few days I have been thinking a lot. Probably too much. I've been thinking so much that I can't see reality clearly. Maybe it's like when you can't see the forest for the trees.<br /><br />I question where I am at....what I am doing...if my kids are suffering or thriving. I wonder what it would be like to have a fresh start somewhere. I feel like I have allowed people to define me and put me in a box and wonder what it would be like to be rid of all of that.<br /><br />Yet, the connections are deep. My kids seem to be doing well. I'm mostly happy. I have a lot of things that excite me in my job. I'm thankful, truly thankful for my job and the opportunities for ministry.<br /><br />My frustration comes with having dreams and desires and maybe even gifts but not being able to use them or pursue them for one reason or another. I find myself unable to participate in some things with my kids because of my own limitations (time mainly) or because there are barriers that exist that are beyond my control.<br /><br />I'll be honest and say that my status as a single, working mom seems to have its own challenges. I live in a married world...work in a "married with kids" church...and there is no support or admiration for singles. I've seen way too many posts on Facebook that remind me how people think of single parents. One person started her status like this "If I were a single parent I would be a big, fat slob...." Nice. On the planet I try to live on there is also not a lot of love for "working" moms...we are an easy target for people who want to question a mom's love or devotion for her kids....oh the guilt and assumptions....but that's a whole nother blog.<br /><br />I live on another planet.<br /><br />That's how I feel. Right now.<br /><br />Oh...and throw in there that I go to a school that pretty much thinks women like me shouldn't be doing what I am doing....if I were to sit down with the President of the school and tell him who I was and what I did..and then if I were to ask him if he supported me in my calling and career....the answer would be "no". I'm not sure what he expects me to do....but he has made it clear that women belong in the home...not in the workforce and not serving in local churches. I'd like to leave the school but I am over halfway through with my PhD....it would be costly (time and money) to transfer....so I am stuck in a world that increasingly has less room for people like me....I just hope I can graduate before it becomes too much to stomach....its pretty close to that now.<br /><br />Yet, I know I have come so far....crossed so many hurdles....I'm just not there yet.<br /><br />I'm stuck in a world I don't fit in and don't really want to be in....<br /><br />I'd really like to get there....wherever and whatever "there" is.<br /><br />Maybe it is just that some more of the "reality" has hit....I'm living in a world I don't belong but have no idea what world I am supposed to be in....<br /><br />For the first time, I feel truly "alone" in this adventure....the support I received over the past 4.5 years was fantastic, undeserved and overwhelming. Naturally and expectedly, it's waned some and I miss the support. I don't expect it (and maybe don't even need it) and don't begrudge that it isn't there now...I just miss it. I'm thankful that we have become fairly independent, it's just a little bit lonely.<br /><br />My heart is continually pulled in the direction of our community. I don't know if that is God doing a work in me or if there seems to be more freedom and opportunities to use my gifts outside the church. This past week I had 7 different calls and opportunities to provide services or counseling with people from the community. Sometimes it feels like I have more support and respect outside the walls than inside the walls. People are truly appreciative when they are in crisis and that makes me feel good and needed. I know that can't be my motivation...to feel "good" or "needed", but it is nice.<br /><br />Just rambling....Am I there yet? I'd sure like to be....Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-718375888897999992010-01-30T20:03:00.002-06:002010-01-30T20:15:00.945-06:00Wondering....questioning....I'm at one of those points where I am re-evaluating where I am at...wondering if a change is needed. School has been a huge blessing in my life. In many ways, it has been the "formal" means by which I have moved forward...tackled new challenges...and been fairly successful. This past week it was announced some changes were being made at SWBTS. I don't agree with the changes...Not. At. All. As a matter of fact, it makes me angry when I think about it. The administration is taking a direction I don't support...a direction I can't and won't support.<br /><br />So, what do I do about it? Keep plugging along? Get my degree from an institution I am no longer proud of? Pretend it's ok when it really isn't?<br /><br />Transfer to another school? Maybe. The one I am considering is twice as expensive and it would prolong my degree plan. Would it be worth the cost? Is it where God wants me? I don't know. I'm trying to hear from Him. Trying to figure out what to do.<br /><br />On a lighter note...I wish Brian would have been here to see Braden score ten goals today in basketball. I wish I had someone to brag on him with. But, I don't. He is having so much fun. I'm glad he has found something he enjoys and something that gets him positive attention. Another coach stopped me after his game and asked if Iwould consider letting Braden play with him on a select team next year. I wish his dad was here to tell him that. <br /><br />I was reminded again this week of how well Nathan is doing in school. His test scores are rocking....he is working so hard....so very proud of him.<br /><br />Lexi is having fun and doing well too! She has a tender heart and her faith is an encouragement to me.<br /><br />I love my kids! They make me smile!Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-56679766655684643482010-01-23T20:39:00.004-06:002010-01-24T08:14:38.369-06:00Random ThoughtsIt's been a nice weekend in our household. We've had basketball games and jump rope performances, and I got rid of my washer and dryer and old refrigerator today. Some men from our church came and got the three appliances this morning and will make sure someone in need receives them. As I watched them load up this morning I was touched by their care and concern for people in need. Thank you God for men who help others. I was blessed by them today.<br /><br />Report cards came and went a week or so ago. All three kids continue to do extremely well. Each of their teachers had wonderful things to say about their work ethic and progress. I've made it my new mantra to tell my kids often that I want them to be the hardest worker in their class. They don't have to be the smartest or fastest, but I do expect them to work the hardest. They are kids, but they are beginning to apply that to their lives. Nathan's teacher wrote that he has a work ethic like no other fifth grader she has witnessed. I was impressed that she said that. I'm thankful for how God has worked in their lives and provided healing and resilience.<br /><br />I'm excited about lots of things at work. There are many new goals and challenges ahead. I am thankful for the opportunity to serve here for the past fourteen years. Even on tough days, it's still one of the best places in the world to work.<br /><br />I look at my house and my closet and realize neither one of those things are top priorities for me. Having the most elegantly decorated home or wearing the most "in" clothes really don't matter. I've tried to care about those things...tried to envision making my home more "hip"....tried to shop for clothes that are "in"...but, I usually fall short....and frankly, I don't really care. Maybe more than that though, is the fact that I don't have time to care. It takes a lot of time and effort to shop and renovate. I don't have that luxury and that's ok. I'd rather spend time and money on trips with the kids making fun memories than have the most decked out house or the most stylish wardrobe. It's taken me a while to realize that's just not who I will ever be....and it's taken me a while to realize that I think my kids will remember the fun things we did together rather than the furniture or clothes they had when they were young. So, I will be trying to update my house as I can...and I will always want to "try" to look nice...but, I'm completely focused on making "memories" with the kids.... and I am confident that is a great investment!<br /><br />It's been interesting the past couple of weeks because I am an associate member of an adult class at church. They recently formed new care groups. For the first time in 14 years, a church member (as a representative of an ABF) contacted me to see how we were and if I had any prayer requests. I had forgotten how good it feels to have someone (from an ABF) care about you. Another member of the group saw me yesterday and invited me to go to lunch with the group on the first Sunday of every month. Again, I was flattered to be invited. However, it brought up an ongoing struggle. Married people really don't want to hang around with a single mom and her three kids. They will do it every once in a while or on special occassions...but as a general rule, it just isn't a good fit. Which, makes me sad...and reminds me how different I am. I know they don't really want to hang out with me, but I'm glad they asked.<br /><br />In the past 2-3 weeks I have had an increasing number of conversations with people who want to know if I have dated or would consider dating. In some ways, maybe it feels good they are asking...because most people have never broached that subject with me. I've often wondered what people think of me and whether I would get remarried. I'm still pretty confused on that whole topic. I get conflicting opinions and advice. My main focus has to be my kids but I do wish I wasn't doing this alone. I pray God will continue to help me want what He wants for my life...everything else will fall into place.<br /><br />Life is good and sweet....the kids are in a groove right now...Braden is doing very well...and when he is doing well, we ALL do well.....<br /><br />For a good weekend, I am grateful.Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-24560103187428714932010-01-15T19:56:00.002-06:002010-01-15T20:16:10.376-06:00The Fair and Balanced ReportMy last post reflected the emotional afterglow of our trip. It was definitely my all-time favorite family vacation. However, there were some hairy moments....and so, this is the fair and balanced report on the vacation.<br /><br />It almost started out disastrously. I realized on Friday (before we were to leave on Sunday at 6:20am) that I did not have a birth certificate and that I could not get on the ship without one. I had gathered the kids but had failed to get mine. I was born in Oklahoma and the only way to obtain a birth certificate was for my mom to drive to Tulsa and get one and then my dad drove to Texas on Saturday to deliver it. Wow. I almost really, really, really blew it. I am so grateful that my parents were willing to step in and rescue me. <br /><br />The next challenge came in getting all four of us up and out the door at 4:30am on Sunday morning. We did it, but it was certainly not a lot of fun. The kids did really well but it was incredibly stressful to try to make all that happen and get parked, go through security and get on an airplace by 6:00am. You just haven't lived until you have had to corral 3 kids and their luggage through an airport. I think I burned about 500 calories lugging it all.<br /><br />Braden got lost once on the ship. It was an emotional reunion for him when we were reunited. He had insisted in getting himself some pizza without any help. When he returned the kids had moved on to another game and he couldn't find them. Instead of just waiting there, he began to roam the ship. I finally caught up with him on the 5th deck...he was supposed to be on the 9th deck. I think he learned a lesson....and so did I. <br /><br />There were many lessons in manners, etiquette, and behavior modifications galore. Let's just say it was a good training exercise. They learned a lot and I was reminded that kids have to be taught many, many things. I also learned that Braden has no volume control. He has a booming voice and that became an issue we had to continually address.<br /><br />There were times when I lost my patience and grew frustrated. Mostly, it was because I couldn't do everything I wanted to do because I was outnumbered....I found myself feeling down on myself every once in a while...wishing I had "perfect" children who needed no supervision. However, by the end of the trip I decided to give myself credit for doing the best I could. I saw no other single parents on the ship. Everyone else had at least two adults helping to corral their kids. I think I did pretty well considering there was only one of me. I gave myself permission to feel proud that we had been able to function well as a family and enjoy a nice vacation. This is actually pretty huge because many times I feel like the entertainment on vacation or in public. Our family can be a three-ring circus and I am learning to cut myself and my kids some slack.<br /><br />We went from sun-up to sun-down each day...NONSTOP....and I really enjoyed not having my cell phone or internet access. I read no emails all week. It was glorious. I found that I was focused on the kids and living in the moment...and I enjoyed it.<br /><br />The kids got several lectures from me. Braden pushed my buttons on a couple of occassions. They weren't perfect and neither was I. But, we had a good time....no, a FANASTIC time!<br /><br />There were times when I wished I wasn't alone. <br /><br />There were times when I wondered what in the world was I thinking to go on this vacation by myself with three kids.<br /><br />There were also times when the kids fought and drove each other crazy.<br /><br />Yep, it was a pretty normal week.<br /><br />So, there's a more fair and balanced report....<br /><br />It was an unforgettable trip....perfect? No.Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-50116346356583873442010-01-14T21:32:00.003-06:002010-01-14T21:55:13.831-06:00Birthday Bucket List Trip<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNwjzs-RWUhN_op33VUPVPe2nckZIGQzd07ZkCtsRsYMLQyxEl0fFh9pOPSS7J2hbgPiyNS6SZKbQrjV_M3F-lrh8dNH_m7m-3gyFh7Gtv9KvEmvtvyA-c_kENv4p7zKcY8dA/s1600-h/last+day+010.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426804709075017410" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 214px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNwjzs-RWUhN_op33VUPVPe2nckZIGQzd07ZkCtsRsYMLQyxEl0fFh9pOPSS7J2hbgPiyNS6SZKbQrjV_M3F-lrh8dNH_m7m-3gyFh7Gtv9KvEmvtvyA-c_kENv4p7zKcY8dA/s320/last+day+010.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I have a million thoughts rolling through my head. I am trying to remember all the funny things the kids said on our trip....they were quite entertaining. Here are a few:</div><div></div><div>Braden (as we were walking through a casino to get to the waterpark): There sure are a LOT of people here WASTING their money....(in his loud and animated voice).</div><div> </div><div></div><div>Lexi (as were riding in a bus in Nassau): There's black people everywhere here. (She got a multi-cultural lecture from me...brought her to tears, but it was funny how she said it)</div><div> </div><div></div><div>Braden (as we were watching the Alaadin show with belly dancers): MOM, I think they are wearing some UNAPPROPRIATE clothes down there (said loudly so everyone around us could hear, at least it felt that way)</div><div> </div><div></div><div>Braden (as people in front of us were taking pictures when they weren't supposed to): MOM, THEY AREN"T SUPPOSED TO TAKE PICTURES....THEY ARE TAKING PICTURES, MOM....(luckily, I think they didn't speak English because they never turned around and didn't quit taking pictures)</div><div> </div><div></div><div>There were some more but I can't remember them right now...will come back and edit later.</div><div></div><div>SO, I "felt" like a super hero today. There is a difference between actually "being a superhero" and "feeling like one"...I'm not one, but I did feel it today. Packing suitcases, checking in suitcases, getting off the ship, catching a bus to the airport, renting a car all by myself, driving around Orlando all by myself, getting back to the airport all by myself, turning in the rental car, doing the security shuffle (that will kill you if you aren't careful!), hopping a train to the terminal, flying in an airplane with 3 rambunctious kids, picking up baggage, catching a "terminal link" to get to the parking garage where I parked, finding the car immediately (I took a pic of where I parked with my phone so I'd know what level, what garage and what space), finding my way out of the airport maze and driving home....Now, THAT makes me feel like a superhero! I think I counted 7 forms of transportation in the past 12 hours. And, there was very little emotional collateral damage...no lost items or children...and we came home with some money in our pocket.</div><div></div><div> </div><div>I'd say, it was a good trip.</div><div></div><div></div><div> </div><div>There was one point in the trip when I found myself overcome with emotion. I was watching my kids floating in an innertube in a glass enclosed waterslide through a tank of live sharks and it hit me....unexpectedly...my thought was this, "God, why do I get to do these things with my kids...why have you been so good to ME to allow ME to be here, with them...why doesn't Brian get to see this?" It wasn't an angry thought...it was a profoundly grateful moment when I realized our life is good and sweet and I am blessed to be able to make memories with my kids. I don't deserve all the fun times and memories we are making. I really don't. </div><div></div><div> </div><div>And then....the kids came squealing out of the water telling me all about what they saw and begging me to go with them....and so, I did.....and I have to say, it was one of the COOOLEST waterslides I have ever ridden.....</div><div></div><div> </div><div>For a wonderful week...and another item to check off my bucket list....I'm grateful.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-82797423278444374552010-01-04T20:30:00.003-06:002010-01-04T20:44:06.788-06:00Welcome 2010!It's been a while since my last post. I have been consumed with family and fun over the past few days. I haven't really even had a chance to think about goals for 2010. One thing that keeps rumbling through my brain is that I want to be less fearful in 2010. <div><br /></div><div>Fear tends to paralyze me, cripple me and discourage me. I fear change, I fear risk, I fear failure. This year, I'd like to fear less and risk more. I'd like to be open, truly open to whatever 2010 brings. My fear is rooted in a lack of trust. I have a hard time trusting people and trusting God with the results of my efforts. I spend far too much time calculating the risks instead of reaching for the reward.</div><div><br /></div><div>2009 was more than I could have hoped for in terms of accomplishing some major goals. I started off the year by passing my NCE exam with flying colors. I took a major national exam 10 years post graduation that most people take within a year after graduation. I spent months preparing for it and it only took me 42 minutes to complete the 200 question comprehensive exam. My hard work paid off and I am extremely and profoundly grateful. In May I received an award at school that included a cash scholarship. In July I found out we won a cooperative agreement (grant) that has allowed many new ministry doors to open. Finally, on December 21st, just six weeks after my building went up for sale, I closed on my commercial building in Granbury. I can't think of a better ending to the year than getting rid of that incredible headache.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, what does 2010 hold? In just 6 days the kids and I leave on a Disney Cruise to celebrate my 40th birthday. Last week I gave the kids a birthday party invitation that requested the pleasure of their company on the Disney Wonder January 10-14, 2010. Thankfully, they accepted my invitation...:) It will be Braden's first trip on an airplane and the kids first cruise. Woohoo...can't wait!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I've got some new ideas ruminating in my mind related to reaching young families in our community. I'm excited and ready to hit the ground running. One of the areas that I want to focus on is transferring ownership of the preschool ministry to our parents. We have a good buy in from our parents but I think it could be better and I think I have some ideas about how to do it....I'm also looking at doing some updating in the preschool area...that should be tons of fun!</div><div><br /></div><div>So, I would say that I am extremely excited about 2010....looking forward to whatever challenges and opportunities that come my way..and trying, really trying to be less fearful and more risky....</div><div><br /></div><div>For a fresh page to write on...I'm grateful.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-83932366428112153342009-12-27T20:01:00.002-06:002009-12-27T20:18:00.064-06:00Christmas 2009Christmas 2009 was a memorable and magical one. We were blessed with 8 inches of snow in Oklahoma to give us a beautiful White Christmas. There is just something wonderful about a White Christmas. <div><br /></div><div>We had a chance to go to Great Wolf Lodge the night before we drove into Oklahoma. I got word of the snow storm (make that a blizzard) that was coming and drove back home from Grapevine to get winter wear for the kids before we left. It ended up being a good call because they really used all their snow gear that I went back for. Score one for mom!</div><div><br /></div><div>Great Wolf Lodge was a very sweet time with Brian's family. I feel fortunate to have a good relationship with them and my kids truly enjoy spending time with their cousins. We had a total group of 17 running amuck in the hotel. It was memorable, fun and LOUD!</div><div><br /></div><div>Christmas Eve was spent with my family. We rushed through the dinner to open presents so that family could leave before the roads got too bad. Both my brother and sister had a hard time getting home and could not get in their driveway. I was thankful I didn't have to go anywhere that night.</div><div><br /></div><div>Christmas Day we spent with Brian's family. Brian's dad called and offered to come get me and the kids so that we didn't have to drive on the bad roads. I was glad he did because the roads were pretty dicey. We spent the whole day with them and enjoyed most every minute of it (minus the few squabbles the kids got into over who was to sit where). </div><div><br /></div><div>I drove back yesterday so that I could be home for church today. It was a nice, quiet evening and I have enjoyed some "me" time today. I went to downtown Fort Worth and did some shopping. I was given a gift certificate (last Fall) that had to be used in Sundance Square so I enjoyed hanging out at the Starbucks/Barnes and Noble bookstore for a while this afternoon. Interestingly and surprisingly, I ended up in a conversation with someone there that was enjoyable. I'll leave it at that. You just never know what a day holds.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm home by myself for a couple of days. I'm going to enjoy it and drink up the silence. The kids are spending time with my parents in Oklahoma. They are loving the snow there!</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm thankful for this Christmas season...it was sweet and memorable...for that I am grateful.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-15358912467076992702009-12-21T20:35:00.002-06:002009-12-21T20:47:15.446-06:00It's Done!I closed today on the commercial property. It was interesting driving through Granbury, over to the title office in Acton, and to the bank in Granbury. It brought back memories of Brian's dreams. He had a business in Acton for a while and the town was barely recognizeable. In Granbury, I couldn't find the bank. I finally had to call and get direcions because I hadn't been to the bank since dad and I were there a few weeks after Brian's death. When I got there nothing seemed familiar. Nothing. I guess I was completely out of it when we were there because it was almost confusing how disoriented I was in relation to where the bank was and what it looked like on the inside. I even asked the teller if this was a new location. She looked at me like I was an idiot. I am sure she was thinking "I better check the I.D. on this girl because she doesn't even know where she is at." I closed out the account today. I can't tell you how good that felt.<br /><br />I no longer have anyone's business but my own to take care of. I can live with that. I no longer have to take calls about building issues, or hunt down my tenants for their rent check, or meet with contractors to address issues with the building, or worry about what new city code they may try to force me to meet, or watch the radar to see if a flood is coming through Granbury, or go online to the bank and check my balance only to see that they haven't paid their rent yet, or anything!!!!!!!<br /><br />The sign went up November 4th. We closed on December 21st. I'd say that was a Christmas miracle. I'll take it. The economy is in the toilet, there are vacant buildings in Granbury that have been on the market for over a year....and my building sells and closes within 6 weeks. Only God can do that. I am grateful for the way He answered my prayers.<br /><br />Thanks be to God!Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-21990330699528738892009-12-15T22:28:00.002-06:002009-12-15T22:32:42.130-06:00Breathing a sigh of relief...It appears we have been cleared for closing on the commercial property in Granbury. The title company issued the commitment to title today and the title work showed all clear. The issue I had been concened about turned out to be a non-issue. I'm very thankful and grateful that it appears to all be working out.<br /><br />I feel a little guilty for feeling frustrated with Brian...but it is what it is. Turns out I had no reason to be frustrated with him. I guess it is just part of the complicated process of taking care of business for someone who is no longer here. The good news is that this will be the last uncompleted business transaction I have left. I still have a rent house but that one is fairly easy to take care of. This will be the last issue that he left me to have to figure out. I'm very excited about the possibility of moving into 2010 with only my business to tend to.<br /><br />Thankful for good news....I needed it! Hoping to close by the end of the week or first of next week....a great Christmas gift indeed!!!Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-48845566432222856062009-12-11T21:18:00.003-06:002009-12-11T21:39:39.149-06:00Struggling to stay in the Christmas SpiritI can't put my finger on it but I am just struggling this year to really enjoy the process of getting ready for Christmas with my kids. I did some shopping today but it wasn't any fun and I had to work hard at making myself spend money.<div><br /></div><div>Am I down? Yes. Depressed? I'm not sure. Maybe. Should I be? No. Life is very good. God has blessed our family in many, many ways this year. Still, I am down. Feeling ambivalent about giving...which usually is one of my favorite things to do. In my head, I know I shouldn't be depressed. There are so many things I can be thankful for. However, my emotions tell a different story. I'm sad. Not all the time...just when things slow down or I am by myself...then I feel this heavy sadness. When I'm around other people I can be happy and I can be productive. </div><div><br /></div><div>I miss having someone to go shopping with me...someone to get excited about putting Christmas together for the kids....someone to carry the big toys out of the store or put stuff together the night before. I miss doing life with someone besides myself. Maybe that's it. Christmas is magnifying what is missing...</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't like doing life alone.</div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe that's why I am struggling. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know Christmas isn't supposed to be about me....or about what is missing....it's about God's great gift to the world. God help me focus on you.....help me see beyond myself....give me your sense of peace and purpose....for that, I will be so grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-72038718214699920992009-12-10T21:20:00.002-06:002009-12-10T21:34:53.219-06:00Lexi and her Horrible, No good, Very bad Day!About thirty minutes before school let out the nurse from school called me. It's never a good thing when the nurse calls your cell phone...at least that has been my experience. She called to tell me that Lexi was helping a classmate do a presentation in front of the class when she had an accident. When she said "accident", I thought she meant she fell or something fell on her...some type of injury. She went on to say that her clothes got wet and her shoes and that she had given her some clothes to put on. I was still confused. I thought to myself "wow, what kind of presentation was this? Were they doing some type of experiment with water?"<div><br /></div><div>When she paused, I asked her: "when you said accident do you mean something fell on her?" She paused...and I realized what had happened and quickly said "you mean an ACCIDENT?" She confirmed that Lexi had wet herself in front of the whole class. I was flabbergasted. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then, I was sad for her....and I asked the nurse "is she ok or was she upset?" The nurse reported that she was devastated by it. A mom was in the classroom and quickly tried to rescue her from the situation but Lexi fell apart. So, I jumped in my car and rushed up there to take her some shoes and try to get her home without her brothers knowing what had happened (yeah for my neighbor who picked up the boys for me). </div><div><br /></div><div>When she saw me she started bawling. She was just heartbroken.</div><div><br /></div><div>We got her shoes on and she collected herself and we left. Then we went to Sonic and got a slushee and some cheese sticks...that always makes things better.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, it was a horrible, no good, very bad day....for my sweet Lexi.</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope the kids in her class have amnesia about this tomorrow. I know that if they don't...I'm coming after em....</div><div><br /></div><div>Growing up is so hard....and watching your kids hurt is even harder...</div><div><br /></div><div>She'll be ok....and I suppose she will have a great "Most embarrassing story" to tell some day.</div><div><br /></div><div>By the way...the story is that she was helping a boy hold up his poster for his presentation. She said she was trying to hold it until he was done and was afraid the teacher wouldn't let her go until he was done. Of course the teacher would have let her go....but in her mind she was stuck....</div><div><br /></div><div>Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-435844177570321562009-12-09T21:07:00.002-06:002009-12-09T21:29:54.375-06:00SpentI'm spent emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I've been running at break-neck speed for the past two weeks. Literally, running from one thing to the next. I made a hospital visit on Tuesday and squeezed it in between my final class at school and a parent/teacher/child conference. I ran through the parking garage to shave off some time...drove 80mph to get there...ran from my car into the school to slide into the conference with about 1 minute to spare. As soon as that was over I rushed over to Starbucks to meet the realtor and sign the contract. On Monday, I was eating lunch with the staff when I got a text from my realtor requesting an immediate meeting with the buyer. I left lunch early....drove like mad to Granbury....froze my tail off standing in the cold building ( I forgot my coat)...and then drove like made to get back to work for another meeting.<div><br /></div><div>Today, was just as bad. I had three appointments/meetings in the morning, a going away luncheon, an appointment after lunch and then I had to deliver an 8 foot tall rocket to Lexi's class and see her presentation. In between all that, I discovered a potential issue I will have to deal with at closing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Being busy is tough....but, not as bad as being surprised and caught off guard with things you have no control over. </div><div><br /></div><div>One of the difficult things about this whole process has been finding out issues that Brian didn't tell me about. Most of the time, these issues that pop up cost me money. In this particular case, I'm not sure exactly what will happen or what it will cost me. Brian didn't share with me everything about his business. I didn't expect him to. However, now that he is gone...it is hard to be surprised by things and not be a little angry, frustrated and even hurt. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm mad that I am the one that has to deal with everything....I'm sad that he's not here to help me through it and at least provide emotional support...and I am frustrated that just when I think things are about to come to resolution, in pops another surprise.</div><div><br /></div><div>The reality is...things will be ok. The issue is minor in most people's book but it feels major to me because I wasn't expecting it. It feels like a punch in the gut and it knocks me off course when something new pops up. It knocks the emotional breath out of me and I have to work hard at processing the issue without him here to explain why there is an issue. I know that Brian never intended to leave me with the messes he left me with. I know that he would be sad to know what I have had to deal with. I know all that in my heart...but it still just feels like I am never going to get to move forward with my life without some nagging issue in the background. I have worked so hard to tie up loose ends in his business world. And, for the most part, things have worked out better than I could have expected. I just need it to end. I want to only be responsible for my life...my choices...my bank account...my bills...I am tired of fixing past issues.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh yeah....Christmas is just around the corner and I am not anywhere near being ready....no pressure....I just have to be ready for Santa to come by next Friday night. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of trying to get all that done. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, I'm spent....tired...frustrated....</div><div><br /></div><div>But, I also see there is an end in sight....God, help me get to that end....</div><div><br /></div><div>And, I'm still so very grateful that I have a buyer for my building....I feel very fortunate and lucky to have sold it this quickly....if it all works out it will be less than 6 weeks from the time the sign went up to the day we closed....that just doesn't happen....God has been good to us...for that I am grateful.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-28505984775195466622009-12-07T21:37:00.004-06:002009-12-07T21:45:06.982-06:00Moving Forward...Still moving forward with the sale of the building.....<div><br /></div><div>I had a face to face meeting today with the buyer.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am meeting with my realtor over my lunch hour tomorrow to sign the contract.</div><div><br /></div><div>She will take it to the buyer and get it signed tomorrow afternoon.</div><div><br /></div><div>Closing date will be right before or right after Christmas.</div><div><br /></div><div>Moving forward....one signature at a time.....</div><div><br /></div><div>I may have stepped foot for the last time into my building. I wasn't sad. I'm not sad. I won't be sad. I am ready to be done.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's not the ideal time to be selling commercial property....but, for me...it's the right time to do it. I need to move forward and take this hat off for good.</div><div><br /></div><div>There will be some major celebrating going on in our house.....can't wait!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If the world will just not fall apart between now and the time of closing....maybe we will get this thing done....</div><div><br /></div><div>Grateful for an eventful 2009!</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-8225455161625341372009-11-30T21:33:00.002-06:002009-11-30T21:43:53.120-06:00Another Chapter Ending...???Unless something changes dramatically overnight, it looks as though another chapter will be ending in the very near future. I have been negotiating most of the afternoon and evening on a deal to sell my building. The final offer has been extended and we should know something tomorrow. By all indications, we have reached a verbal deal. We just need to formalize it contractually.<div><br /></div><div>It's been a complicated decision, but things appear to be falling in place. The buyer saw the for sale sign go up and called my realtor just two hours after the sign was in the ground. He has pursued us and worked steadily at reaching a deal for almost a month. For the past two weeks he has had contractors and city engineers and inspectors in and out of the building to formulate his plan. He called my realtor this morning to start the process of negotiations.</div><div><br /></div><div>I prayed God would send me a buyer and that it would happen quickly. I was prepared for a long-term vacancy. It appears He has answered my prayer. I'm not turning any somersaults yet, but I'm optimistic and hopeful...and grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not making a killing on the deal by any means. It's a fair deal and one that will bless us...but not spectacular. I'm good with it. Given the economic climate, I'm thankful to have a buyer....really thankful. </div><div><br /></div><div>I can't even imagine how wonderful it will feel to no longer be responsible for the building. It will be a hat I can take off and NEVER wear again. I will still have a residential rental property but it is a walk in the park compared to the commercial landlord hat I have had to wear.</div><div><br /></div><div>So....maybe the final words in this chapter are being written....and maybe the page will even turn before the end of 2009....what a great year 2009 has been!!!</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-19404205416265390372009-11-28T21:02:00.003-06:002009-11-28T21:16:32.114-06:00Black Friday<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6bFoJDRnzU_hJpKWC68jNwpZYpjpLQ835c6S2z5LmaP55yedM6k50umxDiBGYuHT9piEakjtkreHgClvlrNjb6mX1Sw1mDCB-wCLgLN1Dp62wxXgVM-d3VVXw8broEyXg3eMl/s1600/photo.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6bFoJDRnzU_hJpKWC68jNwpZYpjpLQ835c6S2z5LmaP55yedM6k50umxDiBGYuHT9piEakjtkreHgClvlrNjb6mX1Sw1mDCB-wCLgLN1Dp62wxXgVM-d3VVXw8broEyXg3eMl/s320/photo.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409356006047904930" /></a><br /><div>For the past five Black Friday's I have visited Brian's grave. The first year I went to the cemetery I walked around struggling to find his grave. I had not visited there since the burial on June 21, 2005. His headstone was not in place yet and I found it very difficult to remember anything about the location where the burial was. There was an older couple walking around the cemetery that day. As I watched them walk around I muttered to myself, "I'm too young to be visiting my husband's grave". After several attempts to find his grave, I began to feel guilty. I thought to myself, "What kind of wife doesn't know where her own husband's grave is?" When I finally found it I dropped to my knees and began weeping. I was alone, my family didn't know I had slipped off to go to the cemetery. I will never forget that day. It was a cruel reminder of the finality of his death.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday, I took Braden with me to visit Brian's grave. We drove right to it. I know exactly where it is, I know the landmarks to find it, the road to turn down to get there...it's familiar. As is our custom, he put his hands on the headstone to see how much he had grown. His hand continues to become larger and larger in relation to how small it was when he was two years old. As I watched him touch it I was thankful for Brian's legacy of love. Brian left a clear path for the kids to follow. They have no doubts about whether their dad loved them. They have no doubts about his character or faith. I'm thankful for that, truly thankful.</div><div><br /></div><div>Each year when I go to his grave it seems to get a little easier.....it's a familiar place of emotion and memories....I'm finding that life continues to push me forward and that his gift of love to me and the kids provides a certain amount of inspiration to make sure we are "more than just ok". I think he would mostly be proud of us...proud of how we've managed....proud of how we still honor him. He was a great man....for his life, I am extremely and profoundly grateful.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-10566658565889333762009-11-24T19:42:00.004-06:002009-11-24T20:07:54.862-06:00Count Your Blessings....Name them one by one....I wanted to take a few minutes to "count my blessings". Thanksgiving provides a mental cue for me to stop and consider all that I have to be grateful for in my life. Here is my list for 2009:<div><br /></div><div>1. I'm thankful for new beginnings, endings, and detours. God uses everything in my life to teach me about His character and presence. I'm especially thankful that another semester has just about come to a close. I emailed off my paper last night and finished up a video/powerpoint presentation tonight. </div><div><br /></div><div>2. I'm thankful for my parents. My mom has been incredible to me this fall. There is no way I would have made it through all the events/trips/expectations/school demands had she not come to rescue me several times. My dad has given me room to make decisions but has also provided timeless wisdom and insight when I needed it. A couple of weeks ago he told me he was proud of me and all that I was accomplishing. His words are so powerful in my life. Thank you God for my mom and dad. Keep them healthy and safe and may they be a part of my life for many years to come.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. I'm thankful for my kids and the way they inspire me to "swing for the fence". I love the way Nathan works hard at school and is driven to excellence. Lexi is a joy to be around and her tender faith is a huge blessing in my life. Every day when I look at Braden I am reminded of Brian. I love that he looks just like him. I love his smile. My kids are a gift, a treasured, precious gift. Thank you God, Thank you God.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. I'm thankful for opportunities to stretch and grow. I count it a privilege and joy to be able to go back to school and learn. I get jazzed about the things I am learning. If I could, I would go to school for the rest of my life....I love learning...absolutely love the process of learning.</div><div><br /></div><div>5. I'm thankful for the way God provides for me and the kids. We are blessed. Thank you God for your provision and faithfulness.</div><div><br /></div><div>6. I'm thankful for hot showers, bubble baths, caffeine-free Dr. Pepper, long walks on beautiful Fall days, family time, summer vacations, a job I love, a great elementary school for my kids to attend, the support of our local church family and friends who know me well and love me anyways.</div><div><br /></div><div>7. I'm thankful for affirmation that helps me see God's work in my life. I'm thankful for those people who speak words of affirmation to me when I most need it.</div><div><br /></div><div>8. I'm thankful for a beautiful home and wonderful neighbors. </div><div><br /></div><div>9. I'm thankful for music and the songs God has used to speak to me this year. </div><div><br /></div><div>10. I'm thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ....who brings beauty from ashes.</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-81857399921675953292009-11-18T21:48:00.002-06:002009-11-18T22:07:11.645-06:00High Points, Perspective, and PeaceThis past Sunday I participated in a cardboard testimony service. At some point there will be a video and I will post it here. However, for now, I wanted to get down some of my thoughts about that experience. First of all, it felt like a very natural expression of God's grace in my life. I had no problem doing and felt honored to participate. Lexi was also a part of it (by her choice). After it was over I had several people thank me for being willing to do it. One lady told me I was very "brave" to do it. Other people commented on Lexi's participation and indicated her part in it brought them to tears. Honestly, it wasn't a "brave" thing to do. It was just the "right" thing to do. God has been faithful to me and the kids, He deserves the credit and I wanted to give Him that glory. In the second (of four total) service I was caught off guard and incredibly moved when (at the end of the song) the congregation rose to their feet to clap. I never expected it would illicit such a response. When I began to see people standing and clapping I was overcome (internally) by God's presence and encouragement. It's a moment I will never forget. I managed to keep most of my emotions in check but I was moved to a level I haven't experienced in a long, long time. It was definitely a high point for me. I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to share my testimony of God's amazing grace in my life.<div><br /></div><div>Today, I had the opportunity to share my story with a group of ladies who are in our Job Corps program. I used the theme of "perspective" to talk about how limited our view of God's work in our life is. We played a game where they were to guess some "mystery" pictures. The pictures were close-ups of random objects and they were to try to determine what the picture was based on the close-up. It provided the example of how little we see and know of God's big picture in our life. None of them were able to guess all the pictures. As a matter of fact, their accuracy was dismal. In the same way, none of us are able to accurately judge God's work in our life because we see such a limited, finite view. The God of eternity sees us as we someday will be, and there is no way for us to draw conclusions based only on what we see now. It was a sweet time and a growing time for me. I'm becoming more and more comfortable telling my story and sharing how God is bringing beauty from the ashes of my life. Again, I'm thankful for the opportunity to be able to speak of His goodness.....and, I'm extremely grateful to be where I am at and not where I was at four years ago. Yeah God!</div><div><br /></div><div>Peace. For the past few days I have been at peace with the issues surrounding my building in Granbury. It's almost unexplainable how much peace I have about it right now. This weekend, I was consumed by it, today I am able to trust that whatever is meant to be will happen. I'm praying that God will close the door if it isn't the right decision for me. And, if He does close it, I can be grateful for that...truly grateful...and at peace. </div><div><br /></div><div>The kids and I will be (and are) more than just ok....of this I am certain....</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-80067120515697179872009-11-16T21:11:00.000-06:002009-11-16T21:15:47.560-06:00Just Hanging Around...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBK4mO-p_tO-F58LI52x7cxfrrIVUY3plDvLS2KZ1uiqSn25FBkJ0RV1Rim7XchWnudkH-0mmBpunLgEd_QIy2_YybUroMBPrI9IAGt2Tnokl_GXt8cGTvsk9Pyu7zfMvWUDqE/s1600/IMG_0775-3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBK4mO-p_tO-F58LI52x7cxfrrIVUY3plDvLS2KZ1uiqSn25FBkJ0RV1Rim7XchWnudkH-0mmBpunLgEd_QIy2_YybUroMBPrI9IAGt2Tnokl_GXt8cGTvsk9Pyu7zfMvWUDqE/s400/IMG_0775-3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404905888459486082" /></a>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-30843285435467144542009-11-16T20:44:00.002-06:002009-11-16T20:52:42.834-06:00My Inspiration and Motivation<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyFORtaUXlGIO1llrFvsjj_UmAFQbOtMK5zkg9un5j56JlaLLcnHrxw-ogw5AjDkTMureSQanCVA-ZSUvYZctJxgNqC5YKQm2cunJ1Q3HMj7GlQehe0mo1dVwlpAS-9SS-Eb-/s1600/IMG_0586.jpg"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 143px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyFORtaUXlGIO1llrFvsjj_UmAFQbOtMK5zkg9un5j56JlaLLcnHrxw-ogw5AjDkTMureSQanCVA-ZSUvYZctJxgNqC5YKQm2cunJ1Q3HMj7GlQehe0mo1dVwlpAS-9SS-Eb-/s200/IMG_0586.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404899413787291394" /></a>I picked up our Christmas pictures today from Chantel. I have about 200 pics to choose from. I am sure many of them will find their way onto my blog at some point. This is one of my favorites...just love it!<div><br /></div><div>My kids are my inspiration and motivation to keep going even when I'd like to quit. I'm grateful God has blessed me their lives.<br /><div><br /></div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-83733279206818168492009-11-14T20:18:00.002-06:002009-11-14T20:43:25.735-06:00Over the Edge....It's been an incredibly busy and stressful week. There was one point this week when I thought I was seriously about to lose it. Every hat that I wear was tested all at once last week. I didn't sleep well all week. I wasn't ever able to shut myself down mentally or emotionally.<div><br /></div><div>I finally got some relief today. I am so thankful.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been one of those weeks when I wonder if I shouldn't pack up and move back to Oklahoma and rest for a day or two...or a year. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not complaining, I'm just being real. </div><div><br /></div><div>The most significant hat that I wear is my parenting hat....and I felt like this week almost pushed me over the edge. I love my kids...adore my kids...but, they wore me out this week. I felt defeated as a parent. I kept thinking it would get better....and it didn't...not until today....and I am soooo thankful.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know that I will ever have a week like that again...it was a perfect storm...pressured in all areas of my life...every single one.</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope the relief I am feeling lasts.....because I am not sure how much longer I can hold it all together. </div><div><br /></div><div>The most discouraging thing....is that there really isn't anything I can do about a lot of it...without creating major, earth-shaking change in my life. I feel stuck in a life that sometimes demands more than I can produce.</div><div><br /></div><div>School is breathing down my neck. I spent my "day off" teaching a class for my internship. It went well...actually, it went very well. Two students got my email address to contact me with some questions and one student asked if she could take me to lunch sometime. So, that was cool...but honestly, after I finished it my mind shifted into overdrive for the next challenge of the day...I never really got to enjoy the fact that it went well because I was headlong into the next item on my life...the good news is that I am done with the internship...no more classes to teach and prepare for....and the online class is almost over as well. The bad news is that I still have a major paper due in about 10 days and I still have some significant work to do on it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can't seem to keep track of all my kid's projects, assignments, payments for field trips, homework, etc. I've never struggled with this before. I've always been able to keep a good grip on it...right now, I'm just trying to survive and that isn't a good spot to be in.</div><div><br /></div><div>The building drama has intensified. My mind can not rest worrying/thinking about it. I had to go meet with a contractor today. It took half of my day to do it. The interesting thing is that the potential buyer showed up and I met him. I had finished talking to the contractor and went next door to the store to get a drink before we drove back home. While we were in the store, they showed up. I noticed someone in the building when I got back to my car and decided to check it out. I walked in and they were sitting on a desk eating their breakfast...like they owned the place. I asked them who they were and they told me....then I told them I was the owner and their jaw dropped open. It was actually very humorous. They told me they had seen several cars and just stopped by to see what was going on. My interpretation: they are very interested if they felt it necessary to see what was happening and had the nerve to go in my building and sit down to eat. To be fair, my realtor had given them a key to have some contractors in there to give bids...so they weren't there without my consent...but I found it strange they would be so curious as to what was going on that they would stop to check it out. I hope this means what I am interpreting it to mean....we shall see.</div><div><br /></div><div>Work hasn't been a walk in the park either.....I've been at this church for 13 years and I have never had the kind of challenges I had this week...I hope to never repeat another week like that...</div><div><br /></div><div>So....it's been a tough week...I'm anticipating Thanksgiving and praying it will be a change of pace in terms of schedule and stress.....I do have so much to be thankful...and I look forward to celebrating that.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-67563606377894814122009-11-12T21:02:00.002-06:002009-11-12T21:11:43.336-06:00Building Drama/UpdateFor my lunch time enjoyment today, I spent it with my realtor who is listing my commercial property. She met with the city code enforcement nazis and the potential buyer today for several hours. It seems the city has the ability to force me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars in order for my building to be in a condition to sell or lease. <br /><br />I was so happy to hear how thoughtful and kind they were about it all.<br /><br />I wasn't surprised at all. Maybe a little disappointed...but not surprised.<br /><br />I knew reality was going to bite when it came to the city of Granbury and what they would force me to do. <br /><br />I just don't understand how they can have so much power....<br /><br />Regardless, the buyer is still interested and is still working towards making a deal. The bad news is that I will take a financial hit that I'd prefer not to have to take. The potential buyer is bringing in contractors to get bids so that we have hard numbers as to what it would take to make a deal. We shall see where that goes.<br /><br />Honestly, I just want this whole drama out of my life. Almost to the point of not caring what it costs....not sure that is a good place to be, but that is where I am at.<br /><br />My perspective is this: I have already been through the worst thing that could possibly happen to me...I made it through it...this pales in comparison to that. In the grand scheme of life, it won't matter 20 years from now that I had to take a lump on the chin in order to sell it. I've made it through so many other things, I know I will make it through this. The reality is that people are losing their houses, their jobs, and their dignity over the economic downturn...Me, I will be just fine....more than ok.<br /><br />So, whatever happens or doesn't happen...we'll be ok....just wish we didn't have to ride this darn rollercoaster called life....I'd much prefer a nice, scenic train ride...that has a beginning and ending and makes a loud noise when danger is dead ahead....Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-67496460174346152942009-11-08T20:42:00.002-06:002009-11-08T20:55:59.322-06:00A Child's GriefAll the books tell you that children grieve in bits and pieces. They aren't able to make sense of all that they lost at the time of the loss. So, as they grow and mature and realize what they lost, they continue the grief process.<div><br /></div><div>Lexi had a grief moment tonight. It was more than a moment...it was one of her more emotional expressions of her loss.</div><div><br /></div><div>We finished a long book last night about a little girl whose dad was in a car wreck and she was trying to get to him to "wake him up". It was a really cute book and the ending was perfect (she was able to wake him up). I asked her about it tonight. I asked her what she would have said if she had a chance to talk to her dad before he died.</div><div><br /></div><div>At first she deflected the question. But, then she started to think about it and she began to cry. </div><div>I held her as she laid in bed and cried...and sobbed....and her tears fell onto my face and joined mine. I told her to let it out....and that I still cried sometimes too....and that it was ok. I held her until she stopped several minutes later.</div><div><br /></div><div>We talked about it some more. I told her that I asked the question because I thought she might be thinking about that when she was reading the book last night. I was just wanting to hear what she thought....instead, it opened up some emotion and feeling.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think it was a healthy thing for us to do that. It reminded me of how much more grieving she has to do....and it gave her a chance to release some of the emotion.</div><div><br /></div><div>There's a part of me that wishes my kids could find an ending point to their grief. It seems unfair to ask them to carry this burden for the rest of their life. It's not that I want them to "get over it". It's that I want them to get some relief from it and be able to integrate the loss into their life. I know they are many years away from that....and that hurts me to think about all the tears that have yet to be shed. </div><div><br /></div><div>God help me be there when they need to cry...help them to feel open to grieve...and may I be an instrument of Your healing in their lives.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-31618257057887358022009-11-07T21:21:00.002-06:002009-11-07T21:37:40.954-06:00Saturday....ahhhhh!No soccer game+beautiful weather=Relaxing and Productive Saturday!<div><br /></div><div>We had a bye this week so there was nothing on our schedule today. As a result, it felt like a mini vacation. We had a nice, relaxing day. The kids were happy to be at home and we accomplished only the things we wanted to!</div><div><br /></div><div>From snuggling on the couch watching cartoons....to playing basketball on the driveway....to reading 86 pages to Lexi and finishing a 337 page book we have been working on for about two weeks....to cooking a great family favorite meal for dinner...it was ALL good!</div><div><br /></div><div>The only thing I ditched that I felt a little guilty about was the school carnival. The kids expressed an interest in going earlier in the week but didn't mention it today. So, we didn't go. Part of it is that I am tapped out from all their school activities and field trips...but part of it is that it is no fun to take 3 kids to a carnival by yourself. There is nothing fun about trying to manage three kids and their tickets and prizes and food and everything else all by yourself! Similar to the Boo Bash, I just couldn't make myself go....and I guess that's ok.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, the productive part for me...I am now on page 19 of the paper I am writing...only 11 to go. The kids played outside for a while this afternoon and I was able to get 4 more pages written....it's all down hill from here and I am very pumped and relieved about that!</div><div><br /></div><div>On a side note, I've got some heavy things on my heart and mind right now. I'm trying to process difficult issues and need wisdom in knowing how to do that. I really miss Brian for that...I know I've posted about this a million times...but, it is so hard to do life on your own with no one to help you sort through thoughts and feelings. I've learned that I work through my issues by verbalizing them....it's kind of hard to do that with no one to listen. </div><div><br /></div><div>For a beautiful Saturday...I'm thankful...and grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34958294.post-34130154699805923092009-11-04T22:02:00.002-06:002009-11-04T22:10:08.922-06:00First ShowingMy tenants officially were gone today at noonish. They asked for an extension to get their stuff out. I didn't feel like I had a choice but to let them stay an extra day or so. They did finally pay me October's rent yesterday (32 days late). They also left the place in a mess and left me 50 tires in the back that weren't there last week. I guess they had some tires somewhere they thought they would get rid of and bring them up to my property and dump them. As soon as their check clears, I will be addressing this with them. I may have my maintenance man take them over to their place and dump them. I am sure they just forg0t them or mistakenly put them on my property....yeah, right. My understanding is that it will cost about 20.00 per tire to get rid of them. <div><br /></div><div>The good news is that my realtor showed the property to a prospective buyer today about 2 hours after they vacated. She tells me they spent 2.5 hours looking at the building and that they are very interested. They requested my realtor set up a meeting with the city inspector to see if they can have a retail store there. Parking is apparently the issue. I knew parking would be an obstacle. We'll see how it all pans out. I was just tickled someone was interested and pursuing us. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, the journey has begun....wondering where it will leads us and how long it will take to get there....</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915146391584006818noreply@blogger.com1