Disappointments, Guilt, and Stress

Disappointments, guilt and stress...that about sums it up right now.

My mom was coming this week and one of her good friends died so she had to cancel her trip. I am sad for her and completely understand why she couldn't come. It put a kink in some scheduling issues but we are managing.

Brian's mom and dad were also supposed to come this week. They have come for Grandparents day at the kids school for the past 3 years. Brian's dad emailed me this week to say that he had a fishing tournament that he couldn't miss. I have done a good job of trying not to be upset at him for that...and mostly, I'm not. I think I understand that it's nothing personal...but my kids were disappointed....for the second time this week that someone who was coming to visit them couldn't come.

They asked me to come to Grandparents day instead. Honestly, I can't. I told them that. I think they understand but I feel guilty. I had a previously scheduled appointment that I can't cancel and I have a ton of errands to do while they are in school. Yet, I feel guilty. I also can't go to their curriculum night at school next week. Braden has soccer and we all have hair-cuts scheduled for that night. I can't be in two places at once. Again, I feel guilty.

Next week I have a training to go to on Wednesday that doesn't end until 3pm (and it is about 45 minutes away from Burleson). I am trying to figure out how I am going to pick up my kids (at 3:10pm) and fulfill my obligations to the training. The next 4 weeks I have several trainings related to the grant that we received. This has been a great thing, but has added another layer of stress that I am trying to work through. I will be out of town for four days at the end of September and my mom is coming to stay with the kids. However, I just found out that we are having an out of town staff retreat the following week. I am not sure how I am going to pull that off because my mom will have just been here for the week and she isn't going to turn around and come back....stress....guilt....

Guilt is such a common emotion for moms. Dads never feel guilty if they have to go on a business trip or be gone extra time for work. Dads are admired for a hard work ethic and for trying to get ahead. I really am doing all that I am doing to try to benefit my kids and give them the best possible future. I've got a lot of neat opportunities right now...I just hope I don't regret the way I am pushing myself right now.

In addition, my professor has asked me to teach an online course this semester and also help write the material for the course. I can't really say "no" because this is my semester of internship and I am expected to do whatever she asks me to do. She is a very reasonable lady but I am feeling a little stressed over trying to help her and keep my life moving in the right direction. On the other hand, I'm interested in doing the "online" teaching thing...and so I hate to give up an opportunity to learn about something that might be a good fit for me later on. She has indicated that our school is going to be expanding the online course offerings and that she is probably going to need some PhD students to help with that so I have to keep that in the back of my head too....

The kids started piano this week and so I think I have driven a million miles getting them to school, piano, soccer, church, etc. My usual car pooling mom is out for a while recovering from surgery so it is all me....I've realized how much I miss being able to share that burden....I am oh so happy to be the car pool queen for a while...but look forward to being to benefit again from the "car pool" concept.

So, in summary, life is very busy and complicated right now....If I can just make it until the middle of October I think we will be fine...

The kids are still doing well...and that helps....we have a routine just about established....I'm grateful for that....