Discouragement

Discouragement: "The feeling of despair in the face of obstacles"

Yep, I guess I am a little discouraged.

I look at my life and the amount of work that is involved in keeping three kids fed, bathed, clothed, educated, entertained, disciplined and encouraged, and it tends to get a little discouraging. I don't know why but lately I have been feeling overwhelmed at the thought of keeping this kind of pace for the rest of my life.

Every day is a battle. My youngest is strong-willed and he is wearing me down. I feel like I take a beating from him every day. It is all I can do to stay in the ring with him and go head to head. He is relentless and I am weary from it.

My older two are responding well to my request for us to work together as a team so that we can function well as a family. I see signs of progress and hope. They have the desire to want to try do the right thing and keep the peace in our family....but they are only kids....and they can only do so much.....but they are at least trying...and for that I am grateful....

I found one definiton of discouragement that described it this way: "Discouragement is dissatisfaction with the past, distaste for the present and distrust of the future". Pretty dismal defintion....somewhat convicting....sounds a little whiney....but I could identify....especially with the "distrust of the future".....

I don't plan to stay camped out with discouragement....I have to work through it.....but it's where I am at right now....it's this subtle underlying layer of doubt that oozes into my emotions and clouds my perspective....doubt that life will ever be as sweet as it was with Brian.....doubt that God has a better chapter ahead.....doubt that I will ever find God's purpose for my life.....

The obstacles are in full view.....they look pretty intimidating........it would be dishonest to say that I am certain I will overcome them.....I'm just not sure.........

Yet, if the past is any indication of the future....I will have to deal with them the same way you eat an elephant......one bite at a time.....one lousy bite at a time.....