A Starting Point....

It's hard to find a good starting point in recounting the last days before his death. I could begin with the Memorial Day weekend that we spent at my parent's lake house in Oklahoma. We got the surprise news that weekend that my sister was expecting her first baby. It was an incredibly fun and exciting announcement. They had been trying for several years and our whole family was elated!

Or, I could start with the several days before that we had by ourselves...without kids...we had dinner at Chile's one of those nights and considered putting an offer on a house in our neighborhood that had a pool and needed a lot of work. Brian even made a verbal offer to the realtor that night. I remember telling him that I just didn't think the timing was right. I tended to the be the one in our marriage who fought change and the thought of moving was too overwhelming. Brian, on the other hand, was jazzed about the possibilities and was somewhat frustrated at my lack of support for the move.

Another beginning point might be the start of Vacation Bible School on the Sunday evening before he died on Thursday. As usual, I was completely preoccupied with all the details and stressors of leading a Vacation Bible School. Brian had been down this road with me for many, many years. He knew to lay low and not expect a whole lot from me until it was over. He never complained about it but I am sure it wasn't one of his more favorite weeks to be married to me.

So, a starting point.....I guess it is important to start by saying that the week leading up to his death was a microcosm of our marriage. It was a week that we faced challenges....a week that frustration with each other reached a high level....and a week that we experienced the very best of being married.

Thankfully, on Wednesday night (he died on Thursday) we had one of the sweetest times together that I could have ever hoped for had I known it was to be our last time to experience the best of our marriage. I remember standing in the kitchen talking to him until about 11:30pm. We were talking about some of my struggles at work....some of my frustrations about VBS that week...some of my insecurities about some transitions that were happening with my job.....I got a little emotional talking about some of it and I remember he was sitting on the counter in the kitchen and he reached out and put his arms around me and hugged me for the longest time. He kissed me on the forehead and just held me. He said some things to me that I needed to hear and I remember thinking how lucky I was to have him and his support. Brian had a way of helping me sift through issues....he was good at balancing me out and he was the voice of reason when I got down or discouraged....

I went to bed that night knowing I was loved and looking forward to the weekend getaway we had planned for Friday and Saturday. It was our 12 year anniversary and he had booked us a night at the Gaylord Texan Resort. All was well in our marriage....and we were going to go celebrate the life we had together.......I couldn't wait.......