Thanksgiving 2008 has come and gone. For the most part, we had a wonderful time with family. The highlight for me was meeting my new neice. She's a cutie pie. I enjoyed getting to hold her and love on her.
The time spent with family was enjoyable and laid back. No family gathering is complete without a tense moment. This time it was tense between me and my dad. It was a brief incident but it took everything within me to not let it bother me the rest of the night. I've decided it is incredibly difficult to parent my kids while in my parents home. It doesn't matter what I do, it's the wrong thing. If I am too harsh on them, my dad lets me know about it. If, on the other hand, he thinks I am not keeping them in line, I hear about it too. It's frustrating, but not a big deal in the grand scheme of ife.
We spent Thanksgiving Day with Brian's family. Again, for the most part, it was a sweet time. I struggled a little bit when something caught me off guard. About 7 years ago Brian built his mom and dad a solid oak entertainment center. It took him a long time to make it and he was especially proud of it. He and his oldest brother (who has also since died) went together and bought them a new television to go in the new entertainment center he built. It was a sacrificial gift on both of their part. And, while there are four brothers, only two of them contributed. Fast forward to this weekend. Brian's mom informed me that they were moving the entertainment system out because Greg (one of the brothers who didn't contribute) was replacing it with a 52 inch plasma television for Christmas. I am thrilled for his parents, it just caught me off guard that they were so easily getting rid of a gift that Brian made for them.
It shouldn't matter to me that Greg is giving them a new and better unit. But, for some reason it did. I think I interpreted it as disloyal to Brian. It felt like they were moving on, forgetting about the love and sacrifice that went into that gift. I know better than to think they have forgotten him or that they don't still think of him every single day. But, again, it still bothers me.
And then.....as I was driving home to Oklahoma, I found myself replaying the burial at the cemetary. It still hurts. It still brings tears....lots of tears. I wonder, at what point, I can replay that day and not cry. I wonder when the tears will be gone.
I didn't go to the cemetary while I was there. I didn't feel like it. I didn't want to. I didn't want the tears to get out of control.
I want to keep growing forward. I want to see progress in the new life I am trying to create for me and the kids. This Thanksgiving was just a reminder that the pain is still there. It takes a lot more to bring it to the surface, but it is still there.
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