Learning from Conflict

I had an experience today in class that I am still reflecting on and trying to learn from how I handled conflict.  The topic was "sex education".  The discussion was in relation to a case study that was shared that included giving a 4 year old information, that in my opinion, was too detailed, too specific and tried to answer questions the child wasn't even asking.  It seemed to be that a very innocent act (the child looking at her body parts) produced a lecture from the parent that included far more information than a four year old could process.  I could never see myself having the conversation that was explained with a four year old....never in a million years.  Maybe a 6-7 year old but not a four year old.  Sparks flew when there were conflicting opinions in the room about whether the information was age appropriate.  

There is room for varying opinions....it's ok with me that we disagreed...I don't expect everyone to agree with me...I just wanted to be clear that he understood why I had an issue with what he was saying...I wanted to feel heard.  On the other hand, he was a little rude and demeaning to anyone who would disagree with him (including the professor).  I felt attacked at times and wondered if it would ever be ok to disagree with him.....He may very well have felt the same way about me...I guess that's where we all have our blindspots...My intention was not for him to feel that way, but I suppose it is possible that he felt the same way about me.

I realized several things from this experience.  One is that I am still learning to find my voice and articulate my beliefs/thoughts at the PhD level.  I need to work on learning to say things with a balance of conviction and grace.  The second thing is that conflict requires me to think.  It requires me to really examine why I think or feel certain ways.  This is a very positive thing.  I thought about this conversation all the way home from school.  It's still on my mind now.  It stretches me to view things from another perspective.  The final thing I learned is that I need to know when to let something go....even if I don't yet feel understood.  There are some people who will never consider another person's opinion.  I need to learn when the battle is unwinnable and let it go.

The other thing I took away from this....I've got some work to do in becoming an "askable parent" when it comes to sex education.  I need to work on creating a more open environment with my kids.  And....I really wish Brian were here to walk through this with Nathan and Braden.  It's going to be challenging without a father to help.....but, we'll get through it.

Conflict really does teach me some important things...but I don't enjoy it!