I frequent a website for young widows at ywbb.org. Tonight I read a post from a lady who was talking about moving departments in her job. She was excited about the fact that she was going to a department full of people who didn't know her past. She phrased it in terms of "losing her widow identity". For some reason, that resonated with me.
I don't want to forget Brian. I will always love him. But, I am ready to begin losing some of the "widow identity" that has permeated my life for the past 2 1/2 years. I think going back to school has created a new environment for me to practice losing some of that "identity"....and it has been a very freeing thing.
In reality, no one but me probably labels me that way. However, for me, the fact that "I" want to lose some of the identity is a big deal. Isn't it? I need to be the new me...the one who has survived the loss of her husband....the "me" who has overcome incredible depths of sorrow to begin rebuilding a new and meaningful life...the "me" who knows that she "can" survive anything....the "me" who knows she is doing the best she can to raise her kids to reach their potential....the "me" who now has a greater understanding of joy because of the depths of pain that she has experienced...
Life is still good...it really, really is.....it's what we make of it, afterall.....
I want to keep moving forward...it's becoming a very powerful thing for me....
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