We celebrated Lexi's 7th birthday last night with 14 little girls in my home. It was tons of fun. It was a Princess Party and Cinderella showed up to do some magic and balloon animals. By all acounts it was a hit. I am thankful it went well but really glad it is over....parties are so much work!
After the party was over I was cleaning up and a family picture caught my eye. I stopped and looked at it and thought "God, why isn't he still here....?" I suppose that it is on these special ocassions that I am reminded of the magnitude of the loss. I still don't understand how or why life changed so dramatically for us. Brian would have had a blast last night watching Lexi having fun with her friends in our home. The castle he built for Lexi's room was a hit...again....wish he had been there to accept all the compliments Lexi got on her room.
The pain is still there....my emotions come to the surface....and I am reminded that life will never be the same without him....I wish, I wish, I wish that things were different....
I'm alone....and I feel it....and I hate it...
But....but, but, but.....our life is going on....and we are moving forward...and I hold on to the hope that God will continue to sustain us and I pray that I will desire what God desires for me....and when I do that, there will be joy and contentment....and the loneliness and pain will loosen its grip...
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