Pity Party Table for One

Christmas is almost here.  The kids and I have been moving at breakneck speed for the past two weeks.  Santa comes this Friday night and I am struggling to get it all done.  I hate doing Christmas alone.  I hate that my kids get drug every where with me to all the extra events and extra expectations that come along with the season.  I hate that Brian isn't here to give them and me a break when our schedule gets this crazy.  I hate that no one understands the stress and pressure that I have been under lately.  

I don't expect anyone to get that, but I do find myself extra sensitive to people who have no clue what it means to be busy. Unfortunately, I have a different perspective than I ever wanted.  I am having a little pity party today.  It's never becoming, it's never attractive, but it is where I am at.

I wish I didn't know what it was like to be responsible for everything that has to be done in a single parent family.  I wish I had someone to do homework with the kids at night, do the grocery shopping, pay the bills, buy Christmas presents, address Christmas cards, wrap Christmas presents, cook dinner, give baths, take kids to basketball and Jump Rope Club and Piano, complete a final exam, and a million other things that had to be done last week.  It's no secret that it is no walk in the park being a single parent.  Add on top of that the fact that there is no family around for me to call and get extra support every time my life gets a little stressful or busy.

I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me.  I don't want that.  I just wish I could not feel so frustrated with people who don't have any understanding of the life that I live. I let it get to me.  As a result, I say things I shouldn't sometimes.  I've got to learn to let things go...I've got to turn my own personal radar off when I am at work.....I've got some issues of my own to deal with....and I'm frustrated that I let my personal and professional life to get mixed up sometimes....I need to accept the fact that my life is different than the people I work with...and not expect any understanding on their part.  My life is not an excuse for my frustration with myself and with others....yadiyayaya.....

I'm still learning how to process things on my own and be my own sounding board.  Some days I do ok at it, other days I need help with it, and some days I just suck at it.  I hope I will eventually get to the point where I don't let things bother me so much.  I guess I just want to look at some people and say "are you kidding me?  Surely you don't think our lives are at all similar." It has taken everything I have to keep my head above water for the past two weeks (both professionally and personally).  I'm tired and in need of a break...and a little grumpy!

Pity Party Table for One.....I'm done now.  Just needed to get that out.