Grief Returns

For some reason, when my kids are gone I tend to struggle a little emotionally. I am extremely grateful for some "me" time but it also serves as a harsh reminder that it is just me now. For example, when Brian was alive and the kids would go to grandma's we'd have a great time as a couple. We'd go out to dinner...go to the movies...do some project around the house...etc. Last night I went out to eat alone. There was just one other older couple in the hamburger place I chose. She was using a walker and he was getting frustrated with his cell phone. They were a cute old couple....and I thought to myself that will never be me. Brian and I were going to grow old together...take care of each other....but, I was reminded last night that it is just me now....and so I struggle emotionally...

Or I start thinking about him and I replay things over in my head....and I go down memory lane....and it hurts.

Grief seems to return when my kids are gone....and maybe that is ok....maybe it is just part of the process...

The kids return tomorrow...and maybe the sadness will be gone for a while and be replaced with the love of my three kids....

Sometimes, though, when grief returns it makes me wonder if I have really made all that much progress....makes me feel like I am going backwards....but, I am pretty sure that isn't true....it would be nice if I could "get over" this....I am tired of the grief returning.....I have given it plenty of time and attention and focus and tears....can't it just go away?