Crunch Time....

It's crunch time for school.  I've got a 30-35 page paper due the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  I haven't written a single page yet.  Typically, I would be close to done by now.  I try to plan way ahead and allow a large margin of error in terms of time.  This semester has not allowed for that.  All of the training and extra responsibility related to the grant has impacted my ability to work ahead. 

The kids have kept me extremely busy too.  Braden is in soccer, Lexi is in jumprope, Nathan is in art club,  Lexi and Nathan take piano lessons and all three of them are in runner's club.  We have something every night of the week except Friday.  Time has flown by and I am just trying to hang on for dear life.

My mom is coming in tomorrow and has offered to "distract" the kids this weekend so I can begin writing the paper.  I'm not sure how much I will really get done because we have our family pictures taken on Saturday (for Christmas cards) and Braden has  a soccer game Saturday afternoon.  But, I am very blessed to have her coming in and hopeful I will at least get 3-4 pages written.  Once I get in the groove, it should go fairly quickly.

Survival is the name of the game for this semester.  If I can just complete both seminars without any emotional or mental scars (me or the kids) I will consider it to have been successful.  I told the kids tonight that things may be a little stressful for the next few weeks.  They were thrilled (not).  I'm learning a lot on my topic, I just wish I had time to really soak it in.

Side note:  I still don't really know who I am or what I'm thinking or feeling these days.  Life ha taken some different turns and I learn new things about myself every day.  I still often feel in "limbo" in terms of my identity (mostly related to marital status and friendships).  I often wonder if I am doing the right thing, in the right place at the right time.  There are days when I feel connected to people around me and then there are days when I feel like I'm isolated and alone.  Sometimes I think I try to isolate myself because I'm overwhelmed with responsibility at home and work and I can't even think about anyone else....which contributes to my lack of friendships and relationships.  I truly don't always have any extra time to devote to anyone other than my family, my work and school.  So, I work against myself.  I need relationships but I don't have time for relationships.  I'm not sure what to do about that.  I know school is a temporary stresser.  There will come a day when I no longer have that.  Maybe this is just part of the sacrifice of going to school.  Who knows, I'm just rambling trying to figure out my crazy self.