The Psychology of Religion and Coping

One of the many benefits of going back to school is that in the PhD program I am able to focus my studies on things that I am interested in.  There are some common courses that everyone has to take and that everyone dreads, but there is also a lot of freedom in areas of research.

This summer, I have been in a summer readings course on "The Psychology of Religion".  We started off reading some of Williams James original writings....blah!  It was a tough read and very mind-numbing.  There is some of his work that makes sense to me and I think is useful and helpful.  He focuses a lot on the personal side of religion and is very pragmatic about things of faith.  If it works, it's true.  I can't buy into most of his writings but I see some value in understanding his philosophy.

The second book has been a great read.  I am about halfway through it (500 pages total) and I have gained some tremendous insights.  This book hits close to home and it has kept my attention and caused me to really think about religion and coping.

One small snippet out of the book relates coping in terms of either being "conservational" or "transformational".   People who cope from a conservational standpoint focus on trying to keep that which was lost...to conserve....they can't let go....they won't let go....love equals loyalty and to let go implies a disregard for that which is valuable.  In terms of religion and coping, the individual hangs on to their faith for fear of what might happen if they let go of it.  They protect and conserve their religion at all costs.  For some, it means they never allow themselves the opportunity to rethink their faith or adjust their faith or redefine their faith.  They conserve it at all costs...even at the expense of moving forward.

On the other hand, coping can be transformational.  An individual who experiences a crisis may choose to allow himself and his faith/religion to be transformed through the experience.  This is not the typical first response to a crisis.  This is usually a point in the process of coping that occurs after some time has passed and personal growth has occurred.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that transformational coping is a healthier way to work through a crisis.

I apply this to my life in this way.  Initially, I used the conservational type of coping.  I wanted to protect what we had left of him.  His memory, his stuff, his wishes, etc.  I went to great lengths to conserve everything he would have wanted for us to recognize as good in his life.  I also made a decision early on not to abandon my faith.  I fought to stay in the same church, in the same job, in the same neighborhood because I believed I was conserving some of Brian and I thought that was what was best for the kids....for them to experience as little change as possible....to give them stability.  For about the first two and a half years I operated from this conservational stance.

About six to nine months ago I think I shifted into the transformational method of coping.  I am now working hard to allow this experience to transform me and my faith.  I heard a statement tonight that sums it up....."loss never leaves you where it found you".  I am not where I was the morning of June 16th, 2005.  This journey has taken me to a new place.  I don't want to be the Shelly that woke up on June 16, 2005 thinking I had everything I needed in life.  I'm not her anymore.  By God's grace, I am being transformed and my faith has undergone a transformation as well.

There is still much transforming that needs to be done.  The cool thing is that I am now at a place where I value transformation over conservation.  Bring it on.  I am ready to keep moving forward.  I want to grow forward.....

And, I think we are......