More Reflections...

I realized last night (after I wrote the last post) that there were several reasons why that class meeting was so tortuous for me.  I went into the class expecting to learn more about how these counselors dealt with people in the midst of crisis in their life.  I was particularly interested in how religion or spirituality plays into the whole picture.  The book did a great job of providing some jumping off points for our discussion.  Our class got sidetracked and never really dealt with the subject I was so desperately wanting to learn more about.

It was frustrating because I have lived through a crisis of not only my personal life but also a crisis of my own spiritual orientation.  Both were equally difficult (and continue to be) to work through.  Learning how to function as a "single" person and as a "single" parent has been an overwhelming task.  Coupled with that has been a total rework of my theological and spiritual orientation.  

To be sure, I am still trying to better understand God.  I don't understand how He works.  I just know that He is God and I am not.  It's not that I haven't tried to understand Him.  I have worked really, really hard at trying to figure out what is knowable.  By God's grace, I have had some helping working through some of these spiritual struggles.  I don't believe I could have come as far as I have come without the help of my counselor and the support of my friends and family.

So, I know how crucial it is for a person in crisis to find someone who can come alongside her and help her work through the really tough, mind-numbing issues.  Truth be told, someday, I want to be that type of counselor.  I was hoping this class would push me further in that direction of competence.

Instead, I walked out of there thanking God that I had someone besides one of them (the professor included) to help me.  

The other frustration is that I don't realize how I feel about a situation until it is over and there is nothing I can do about it.  Yes, I wanted to try to interrupt their petty arguments and get the class back on track.  No, I didn't do that.  Why?  I'm not the professor and I haven't earned the right to do that yet.  I have thought about some ways I could have participated a little more effectively.  Hopefully, given the chance, I will step up to the plate and make waves if need be.

And, if I am completely honest, I guess I was pretty disappointed in the way the professor allowed such garbage to go on and on and on.  I think she saw students interacting with each other and mistook that as significant discussion....just because you have 3-4 PhD students bantering at each other doesn't mean it is helpful or useful....sometimes its just a lot of hot air....

So, now that I have completely beat this horse to death...I promise never to write about it again...