My buffer is still missing....

One of the things that I really miss is having someone to be my buffer. Someone to listen to me vent and provide perspective when I need it. Brian served that purpose so well. I've written before that this is one of those difficult things. I am trying to learn to adjust to life without a buffer.

Unfortunately, without a buffer, I sometimes over-react.

I am finding that I say more what is on my mind than I used to when Brian was here. I don't hold back sometimes when I really should let things go.

I also find it more challenging to be flexible. I don't like surprises or last minute assignments. In some ways, that has helped me be more proactive and planned. In other ways, my frustration level rises more quickly than it should.

It is hard to try to balance yourself out......how does God, or anyone else for that matter, expect me to keep my thoughts and actions balanced when I am trying to do it all on my own? I am not trying to excuse my behavior. I am just trying to figure out how I can adapt and adjust myself when there is no spouse to point out my blind spots.

I guess I am struggling right now to find balance in my life.......and it is during these times that I feel alone.....

What I wouldn't give to have someone to come home to......