What to say...what not to say....

It's that time of the year again.  School has started for the kids and for me.  Lots of new beginnings, lots of people to meet for the first time.  I struggle with knowing how to talk about myself.  It seems that I have been put in several positions lately where I have had to introduce myself and tell about my family, my job, etc.  I've also had to fill out a kajillion forms that ask for information about my kids father.  Gotta love those reminders that I don't have anything to put in those blanks.

So, it still seems a little awkward when meeting people and they ask about my family.  I don't want to make being a "widow" my identity, but, I also don't want to leave people with the impression that I am a single mom.  It's not that I am embarrassed or ashamed that I am a single mom.  I think I've come to realize that people make judgments about single moms that are rarely positive and so I suppose I try not to allow that identity to impact what people may think about me.

It's an identity I don't enjoy and one that limits me in many ways.  I'm finding that more and more married people are less likely to engage in a friendship with me or my kids.  I know it's a little bit of a mismatch but it is still hard to get used to...I miss the commonality I had with married people...with my married friends.  It's just not the same anymore and I'm not sure why. I've been trying to figure out some things like that lately and it has me puzzled.

I went to get my tire fixed on Friday morning.  I walked into the waiting area and had a guy who looked like Jesus start talking to me.  To make a long story short, he said to me "aren't husbands supposed to take care of problems like this...isn't that what a good husband should do?"  What do you say to that?  I was speechless for a second or two.  What do I say?  What do I not say?  I said, "well, (long pause) my husband died four years ago so I have to take care of this.  It's amazing what you can do when you have to."   He backpedaled, apologized and then told me "well, you look like the type of lady who can take care of yourself...like the type of girl who doesn't take crap off anyone".   What in the world do you say to that?  I was thinking is this guy a psycho?  I said "you do what you have to do"...and sat as far away from him as I possibly could...

Why do I have to deal with people like that?  Why do I have to feel awkward about what to say or what not to say when asked to introduce myself?  I'm really tired of it...tired of those awkward moments.

More than that though, I just miss being married.  It was so much simpler then, and easier to navigate new relationships...I know I can't go back...but, I do miss that part of my past.