On Friday afternoon I took the kids to the cemetery to visit Brian's grave. As is our tradition, we took flowers. However, like we have done once before, I let the kids pick flowers out of my parents garden and make a special arrangement. Watching them walk through my parents garden and carefully pick just the right flowers was a beautiful moment for me. My dad helped them and I couldn't help but be touched at how he understood how important it was to them to get just the right mix of colors and flowers. When they finished, it was truly a work of art and love.
My kids asked my dad to go with us to the cemetery. I thought that was kind of interesting. At first I wasn't sure I wanted him to go because I was afraid I would get emotional and for whatever reason felt inhibited at the thought of his presence. He agreed to go and the kids were excited about it so I decided to just go with it.
It was a very beautiful time together. Braden had LOTS of questions, questions he hadn't ever asked before. He wanted to know exactly where Brian's body was, what it looked like right now, what his body was inside, etc. He didn't know what a casket was so I had to explain that to him. We talked about his spirit not being there. He was stumped by the whole "body is in the grave, spirit is in heaven" concept. So, my dad and I both tried to explain it to him. The kids also took some time to put their hands on the handprints that were on his headstone and see how much they had grown. It made me smile when they did that. They were connected to his headstone and it was special to them. It took me over a year to pick out a headstone and decide what should be on it. I'm so glad what I did with his headstone is meaningful to the kids. I was so moved by their ability to go to the cemetery, express their love through flowers, and talk about how much they had grown since daddy died. It occurred to me that day that my kids have come a long way in their ability to express themselves....for that I am so grateful.
It also occurred to me that Braden is still trying to process everything. I wonder sometimes if I should take him to the Warm Place now that he is older and has a better grasp at what has happened in his life. The other kids were old enough to begin grieving and processing. He is so far behind them. I had forgotten that. It was a good reminder to slow down and make sure I talk with him and answer his questions.
On Friday night I met Brian's parents for pizza. The kids enjoyed telling his mom and dad about their visit to the cemetery. They were proud of what they did...and so was I. We had a good visit. I am thankful our relationship is still strong.
Saturday morning my brother and sister (and kids) met me and the kids at a local donut shop for breakfast. I don't know that I have ever gone to the donut shop with my whole family before. It was a simple time, but I treasured it. I was thankful for this weekend in Oklahoma to do some things that we don't generally get to do.
On Saturday night my parents had a party with about 60 adults. I knew every person except for one. Most of these people watched me grow up. There was no reason for the party. My parents called it a "family reunion". It was the best "family reunion" I have ever been to. Many of these people came to Brian's burial service four years ago. It was the sweetest time of fellowship that I have had in a long time. Everyone was so encouraging to me and interested in how we were doing. I was so glad to get the opportunity to talk with them and let them know that we were doing well. Many of them told me they still pray for me and the kids or that they think of us often. Wow. I was so blessed by that and wonder what the impact has been from all the friends and family who have kept my family in their prayers. I was reminded of how blessed I was to grow up in a family that valued relationships. It was SO MUCH FUN!
Sunday morning was a blur. I got up at 3:45 and was out the door by 4:30am. By 6:00am I had received a 197.00 speeding ticket. Yikes! I was caught in a speed trap. The only thing on the road at that time of the morning is roadkill and policemen trying to make their quota. The funny thing is that Braden has been obsessed with the fact that I got a ticket. He asked me a million questions including, "how long would you stay in jail if you didn't pay the ticket? Have you paid the ticket yet? When are you going to pay the ticket? Will it take all the money in your bank account to pay the ticket? Who will take care of me if you go to jail? Was it a boy policeman or a girl policeman? What kind of food do you get in jail?" Needless to say, I've already mailed off the check to pay for the ticket...and he has finally let it rest. Today was the first day that he didn't ask me any questions about it.
So, a weekend in Oklahoma...it was all good....except for the ticket.
For family and friends...I am so grateful.....for relationships that span across the years, I am blessed.
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