"I was singing it in my brain...."

Braden had his kindergarten graduation tonight. For whatever reason, he has been determined not to be agreeable about the graduation. He didn't want to wear the cap and gown and told me he was going to rip it off (which, gratefully, he did not do...he stayed fully robed). My expectations were set pretty low knowing he was not excited about it all. Thankfully, since my expectations were so low I wasn't too disappointed that he chose to stand behind his friend so that no one could see him and he chose not to sing. When I asked him about it later he said, "mom, I was singing it in my brain".

He keeps me on my toes (and knees)...for sure.

I'm still struggling with knowing how to best parent him. My perspective is better and my patience has returned. So, with both of those things back in place maybe things will smooth out a little (for him and me).

I have been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days. Driving 4.5 hours will do that to me. I always drift into "what if" land when I am driving. I still don't know what God is doing or why I am so perplexed about it all right now. I'm very thankful and content with where I am at in life and content with all He has blessed me with.

The issues are all far too complex to try to put in words...I think maybe I am at a transition point in my life right now...lots of things have changed or are in the process of changing...I'm realizing some of the secondary losses that occurred when Brian died (that I hadn't yet understood to be significant) and I find myself being sensitive to issues that I wish I wasn't sensitive to....

There have been lots of little setbacks the past week or so....not much has gone right for me...I am a little down about all that. I shouldn't be, but I am.

A part of me says that I shouldn't be surprised by all the irritating things/issues in my life right now...I was moving forward at a pretty fast clip....had some real high points in my grief journey over the past month or so...I saw God working in my life and using me in ways that were blessing me tremendously....I know Satan is real and He doesn't want anything good for us....so, I am asking God to protect me from discouragement..because I know that is not from God.

I have been reading in Hebrews and James over the past few days....very good stuff....for God's word and His promise that He is the same yesterday, today and forever...I am so very grateful.