1. Do I do things for others in order to meet my own needs of significance or because I feel convicted that it is a matter of obedience or calling? Is it ok that I get something out of giving to people or ministering to people in unique ways? Do I do it because I get something out of it or because I am being obedient? I am thinking that if the focus is on how I feel when I do it then I need to find some balance. However, my intentions and motivations are good and so maybe the positive feelings are just a nice by-product.
2. I've noticed lately that many people I know have blogs and are making them public. They put them on their facebook page or even send out emails letting people know they have updated their blog. My question is why I have been so reticent to share mine. I think it is because it is a safe place for me to process thoughts and sometimes just vent. I hope it is not because I can't be open with people. I know that my public persona is different than my private persona. However, I think that is necessary. Who wants to hear about my grief all the time? No one. It would get old and would cause friendships to be lopsided. And, there are times when I just need to whine and complain and be grumpy. This blog has become my place to do that without wearing out a friendship.
3. Could this blog be modified in order to be made more public in hopes that it might encourage someone(s) going through similar circumstances? If so, how would I edit it to make it a better read and to leave out the whiney stuff?
4. Have I tried to answer a question that only God knows the answer to. I have "decided" in my mind that it would be in the best interest of my kids to stay focused on them and building a new life for them alone. When, in reality, the desire of my heart is that God would bring someone into my life. I do want to be married again. I really do. However, I have convinced myself that it can't happen while my kids are young. I hear conflicting opinions about it but it makes sense to me that I need to focus on them and them alone. Yet, I am lonely and being a single parent sucks big time. So, here I am...wanting something, but telling myself no. Oh yeah, it's not like there have been any options or that I have turned anyone down. No one has beat my door down and the true answer to my dad's question the other day was that "no one has wanted me dad". What I want, hasn't wanted me. Most eligibles are divorced or have major issues. The never married guys don't want anything to do with a single mom with three kids. Actually, I did tell my dad when he was pushing me on the issue, "well, dad, I guess I am just waiting for some women my age to die so there will be some eligible men available." He got a good laugh out of it but it is true. There just isn't much out there and the ones that are, aren't interested in taking on a whole family. Yet, I can choose to be content in this life that I have been given. And, most of the time I try to do just that. It doesn't help when everyone else thinks they know exactly how all of this is going to work out. So, have I tried to answer this question on my own? Maybe. I don't know how I am supposed to look at it. I really don't.
I think that's enough for now....maybe I will flesh some more of this out later.
5 comments:
You didn't ask for my thoughts on your questions, but you did put them out there. I just want to encourage you some.
1. I wonder if all people who help others enjoy it? I think that's part of the reason why people help other people. You have a different perspective on life then most everyone else and you should use that to help others. I think you are right on target with your motives behind helping people.
2.My blog isn't public either. Yes there are several people who know about the blog but only because I have told them. I don't tell them when I update it or anything about it. What did you mean that your "public persona is different than your private persona?" Use your blog how you want to, it's all yours.
3.See #2. You have said all along that your blog is for you and the kids. Would you modify it for them if they were reading it? I think that you need to figure out what will be the most meaningful for them and go from there.
4. Your dad...he's a mess. I think that's completely your call rather or not you want to get out in the dating world. I think your kids should come first at this point in their young lives, yet I'm sure being a single parent is lonely and sucks. What does God want you to do?
That probably didn't help at all. It's just my .02 cents worth.
My pondering about question number 4 wasn't about whether I wanted to get out in the dating world. It was about how to think about my future. I have no desire to get out in the dating world. Gross. I just wanted to be married again someday. I know that makes no sense but that's the way I feel. I get confused about it because everyone has an opinion about it. And, it may not be that putting my kids firsts equals not remarrying. I would agree that making dating a priority in my life would not be best for my kids. Remarrying the right person, might actually be the best for them and me. Make sense?
Shelly,
I "stumbled" on your blog from a link to another one. I'm glad I did. Although I'm not in the exact situation you are, I'm facing similar issues as a functioning single mom. (That's the best way I can describe my current situation).
Your realness and transparency are refreshing. Life can be really hard at times and there are no easy answers. Sometimes we just get through. And it helps to know there are other people walking through challenging circumstances with courage, trusting in the Lord and keeping their sense of humor.
I am finding I am drawn to people who are acquainted with grief and pain yet who still are hanging on to the hand of God and keeping their eyes on Him. I would say you are that kind of person. It's inspiring and encouraging at the same time.
I'm sorry that I misunderstood the question. Yes, it makes sense now. Remarrying might be in their best interest and in yours. Maybe you could mention it to them at some point and see what they say. What are other people's opinions on the issue?
I know this is an older post, but it really hit home when I read it. I think you keep the blog the way you want it. If others care to read they can...if not it's still yours to have. I enjoy knowing there are others out there with similar thoughts to similar situations. I don't "promote" my blog but a few family members and friends have stumbled onto it. And I find it's good to let them find out some things through the blog that I don't really want to have a full blown conversation about in person.
My couple of pennies...
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