A Letter to my Younger Self

Marsha has thrown out a challenge for her fellow blogging friends to write a letter to your younger self. After thinking about this for a few days, I decided to take her challenge.


Letter to myself, Jun 17, 2005 (35 years old)
From Shelly at age 38


Dear Shelly,

You woke up this morning with a different identity than you started with yesterday. I know that you feel like you have had the rug jerked completely out from under you. Let me reassure you and offer you some hope for this moment.

1. You are about to experience love and support like you have never felt before. I believe this is God's way of showing Himself to you during this horrific experience. Every kind deed, every prayer uttered in your behalf, and every generous act of love should be a reminder to you and your children of how much God loves and cares for you.

2. Your children will work through this loss and will learn some valuable lessons along the way. It's not that they won't be affected, they will. They will hurt and they will miss out on the benefit of a two-parent family. However, they will also learn how to rise to the occassion when the chips are down. They will grow to appreciate things that other children have never had to struggle with. It is during times of struggle that growth most often occurs. Your children will be given many opportunities to grow through this.

3. Your family will also rise to the occasion. Trust your dad to help you along the way. Don't be afraid to allow them to help you. They will provide some key wisdom as you deal with many issues you never dreamed you would have to deal with.

4. Brian's mom and dad need you to continue a relationship with them. Although it may be awkward, stay invested with them. They love you and the kids and want the best for you. Give yourself time to heal before you make decisions about how to establish a post-Brian relationship with them.

5. Take it one minute at a time. Don't think too far in the future. This is going to be a marathon experience so don't treat it like its a sprint that will be over soon. You are in for a long, hard fought journey. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your children. Trust God that He will give you wisdom and discernment. Don't be obsessed with worry. Worry is the price you pay in advance for things that rarely ever occur. You will have the tendency to want to take on the worry of this accident. It will not help anything to be so focused on what you might lose. Instead, focus on grieving your loss and rebuilding your life.

6. This journey will make you a different person with different goals and different passions. Embrace the new dreams God gives you. Don't be afraid to take a risk in changing. Understand that the same God who is taking care of you right now will continue to provide for you all that you will need to do what He has called you to do.

7. Don't be hurt by some of the awkward and inappropriate things people may say to you. Everyone means well, they just don't know what to say or do. Don't be surprised if friendships change or disappear. You are no longer the you that everyone once knew. It will take some time for you to figure out who you are and there will be some people who aren't that interested in the new you. Don't take it personal. On the other hand, you will also find that some of your friends will surprise you at how well they are able to support you and continue a similar relationship. Treasure the friends that God gives you to help you through this.

8. Never, ever, never engage in a conversation with a carpet cleaner....don't ask why, just don't!

9. Realize that you will need help working through this. You may have a master's degree in marriage and family counseling but that doesn't exempt you from needing some major help dealing with this loss. Don't be surprised if you have to completely rethink how you think about God. This experience will cause you to have to question every belief you ever had. However, in the end, your faith will be the foundation upon which you begin rebuilding your life.

10. Understand that you will never get over this. This event will forever impact you and your children. The goal should not be to get over it. Instead, focus all of your efforts on getting through this. There is no getting around the pain and grief you are about to experience. However, I can tell you that this intense pain will not last forever. You will laugh again. You will make some great memories with your children. And, you will be able to look back on this experience and know that it is only because of God's grace and provision that you were able to make it as far as you will some day make it.

Above all else, know that God is with you in this very moment. Psalms tells us that "He is close to the broken-hearted". He's so close to you right now, so very close...and someday you will be able to look back and trace His hand of grace through the people of your church, community and family.

Trust me when I say this, you and your children will be more than just ok....you will rebuild a beautiful life....it won't be easy and you may wish things were different....but through this experience you will learn that life is beautiful, if we but choose to recognize, embrace and treasure that beauty.