Kids are always thinking....

I was reminded this week that my kids are continuing to try to process what has happened in our family. Braden, who is four, has been very engaged lately in trying to understand why his daddy died. On the way home from church Wednesday night he asked me "what does adopted mean"? I told him that sometimes when a child doesn't have a mommy or daddy that a family will choose to make that child part of their family. He asked more questions....I continued to answer them....then he said "why doesn't God give me a new daddy?"

Braden is just trying to figure it all out....his questions are difficult to answer....and many times his questions create a whole new set of issues to try to talk through with my kids....

I won't go into my long explanation about why God doesn't give him a new daddy.....but the night ended with me laying in bed with my oldest, Nathan, reassuring him that if anything happened to me that he would be taken care of and that he wouldn't go to an orphanage (because that is where Lexi thought kids went if their parents died)....blah, blah, blah....I told him nothing was going to happen to me so he didn't need to worry about that.....I told him I planned to play with the grandkids he was going to give me some day....he just giggled...

I know that I can't guarantee that nothing will happen to me....but I also don't want to encourage worry or concern....I told him that we don't know what will happen in our lifetime but that we just had to live one day at a time.

I never dreamed I would be having these types of conversations with my kids.....and I do sometimes worry about how my kids would do if something happened to me....but I can't and don't let it consume me...

Braden also asked me how old daddy was when he died....and then he wanted to know how old I was.....he's trying so hard to understand it.....

.....me too....me too....