Fear of Loss

For me, life has become a lot about fear of loss. I find that many of my fears are related to losing something....and fear has been driving many of my decisions lately. I fear not being able to take care of my kids the way I think they should be taken care of....I fear making the wrong decisions about my career or education because I know they will impact my kids....I fear losing the financial security that I feel like I need in order not to be afraid of my future....I fear failing at work or home or school....I fear not being able to take care of myself when I am old....is that stupid or what? It's not like Brian and I had our future all mapped out...things were going well but we had our share of bumps and bruises along the way.....but I wasn't afraid...not like I am now....

If I let it, fear holds me captive....it erodes my confidence....it causes me to retreat and want to hunker down and protect what I have and risk nothing.....

I fear change......I hate taking risks.....I am afraid I will mess the rest of my life up....and my kids.....

Maybe I have shifted into a defensive mode.....just trying to protect who we are and what we have.....instead of welcoming the new opportunities that may come our way...and being thankful for the blessings of life that we do have.....

Fear of loss....it has a strong grip on my right now.....

The rollercoaster of life is wearing me down.....I'm trying to wear hats that don't fit.....and I am ashamed that I am letting difficult people rock my world.....

I am so tired of wearing hats that don't fit.....hats that Brian wore so well and so easily just don't fit me...........

But what can I do about it?

Nothing.....absolutely nothing.....there are things in my life that I have no control over....and those things are eating me up right now....

I need to get a grip.......Hi, my name is Shelly and I am afraid of my future.....

.......arghhhhh.......this isn't what I signed up for.....

Where do I get a refund?