This past Sunday I shared with my church family the previous post "Live it Anyway". I was pretty insecure going into it because I wasn't sure anyone really cared. I know people care but I just wasn't sure it was really worthy of taking up the sermon time at our church. So I went into it hoping that what I had to share would matter to someone....that it wouldn't just be a waste of time.
It went well and the responses I have gotten from different people have surprised me. The theme of most people's response was that they appreciated me being real....that in some way it spoke to them. One person emailed me and said "I appreciate your willingness to 'risk it all" by sharing with us your journey". I am not sure exactly what he meant but if you know me very well "risking it all" goes completely against who I am.
I am one of those people who thinks "risk-taking" is, well, too risky. I am a "play it safe" type of person. I tend to take very "calculated" risks. In other words, if I am not close to 90% sure that it can be done I don't usually try it. Brian, on the other hand, took risks every single day of his life. He was a dreamer and failure didn't bother him one bit. I guess we balanced each other out....but sometimes it was a source of frustration for me. I grew weary of always being the one to "bring him back to earth". I always felt like I had to be the one to reign him back in...especially in his business dealings.
Since his death, I have realized that I need to be more balanced in my approach to risk taking. I need to be more like Brian and more willing to fail and learn from it. It is interesting because I think Brian was always trying to do just a little more than he was really capable of doing. He pushed the envelope in trying to achieve all of his goals and dreams.
I guess, in some ways, sharing this past Sunday really was a pretty risk move. Although I didn't think about it until I received the email, maybe I am beginning to get out of my comfort zone and take a few risks that may very well push me to find a better balance.
I don't expect to be jumping out of any airplanes any time soon (Brian did that the day before we got married), but maybe I will be able to continue to learn to stretch myself so that I am able to dream a few new dreams...and have the courage to chase those dreams.
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5 comments:
I'm not sure what was meant by "risking it all," but I know how hard it is for you to make yourself vulnerable, especially to the church you are serving. I wish I had known you were going to be sharing again this year, I would have loved to be there. I think Cindy requested Smitty get us a CD so we can hear what you had to say.
And yes, you are stretching yourself more in a lot of ways...and I'm excited for you. If you ever want to jump out of the plane, call Allyson, she'll be happy to do it again with you.
B~
So Allyson is a risk-taker...I will remember that if I ever have the urge to jump...maybe in about 20 years when my kids are launched into adulthood....
Not sure what he meant by that either...probably just a recognition that it was outside my comfort zone.
Shelly
I was talking today about just this....and trying to live honestly and taking relational risks.....honesty is not my natural bent I am discovering...
I would agree that sharing last Sunday was a risk. It was a risk you took and I know it blessed many people to hear what you had to share. It was a blessing to me.
Your post reminded me of something else Robin said. She said that it was nice to be reminded that we all are "real" people who have real struggles. She thought it was incredibly brave of you to be open and honest regarding your own faith journey. She appreciated your honesty.
Anyway, back to the risk-taking... It's not easy for me to take risks either, which is why I'm not so sure I could do that. I can't even share little things about my own life with just a few people. I think that maybe when we take risks we grow a little as a person and when our risks turn into successful ventures, we gain a little more self-confidence along the way.
If you want to jump out of a plane one day, I'll go with you. Who knows, it might be fun.
Now Brian really WILL roll over in his grave if I ever jump out of a plane....that was an ongoing joke with us....I was so ticked when he jumped out of the plane the day before we got married that I told him when I was about 8 months pregnant I was going to go sky-diving...and see how he liked that....anyways, the day that I jump out of a plane will be a day that Brian would have loved to have seen....but, no worries, don't think I ever will really do that....risk for risk sake....nah...it needs to have some of reward associated with it for me to take that kind of risk....who knows though maybe that will be my mid-life crisis...aren't I supposed to have one of those after I hit 40?
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