Lexi had a grief moment tonight. It was more than a moment...it was one of her more emotional expressions of her loss.
We finished a long book last night about a little girl whose dad was in a car wreck and she was trying to get to him to "wake him up". It was a really cute book and the ending was perfect (she was able to wake him up). I asked her about it tonight. I asked her what she would have said if she had a chance to talk to her dad before he died.
At first she deflected the question. But, then she started to think about it and she began to cry.
I held her as she laid in bed and cried...and sobbed....and her tears fell onto my face and joined mine. I told her to let it out....and that I still cried sometimes too....and that it was ok. I held her until she stopped several minutes later.
We talked about it some more. I told her that I asked the question because I thought she might be thinking about that when she was reading the book last night. I was just wanting to hear what she thought....instead, it opened up some emotion and feeling.
I think it was a healthy thing for us to do that. It reminded me of how much more grieving she has to do....and it gave her a chance to release some of the emotion.
There's a part of me that wishes my kids could find an ending point to their grief. It seems unfair to ask them to carry this burden for the rest of their life. It's not that I want them to "get over it". It's that I want them to get some relief from it and be able to integrate the loss into their life. I know they are many years away from that....and that hurts me to think about all the tears that have yet to be shed.
God help me be there when they need to cry...help them to feel open to grieve...and may I be an instrument of Your healing in their lives.
2 comments:
you are a wise and insightful Mom
Hi...that is an incredible story and shows what a great job you are doing in encouraging your daughter's expression of her grief. So many people don't do that and pay the consequences later. I just finished writing a book on kids and grief with Kate Atwood, who is the founder of Kate's Club in Atlanta. The organization, and the book, are all about encouraging parents and caregivers to do just what you have done here...and what you want to do in the future. Kate's goal is to teach kids (and parents) that they can live a life that is colored by, not defined by, their grief. It's called A Healing Place and was released just last week by Perigee Books.
Best of luck on your healing journey. And again, your story is a great, great example to others in your shoes.
John Kelly
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