It's one of those times where I wish I had a spouse to talk through all that I learned. If I had a spouse, I would probably share some of the things that we did. I would talk about instances where I felt like I didn't do a good job in a role play and times that I was affirmed and complimented for how I performed in the role play. I would talk about how I see this type of training fitting into my future. I would share that I sense God is doing something in my life in the area of crisis counseling. I would ask him to pray with me and for me that I would be sensitive to how God is leading me.
I could use a spouse to debrief me....to help me sort through why I felt certain ways during certain exercises. I could use an objective person who loves me to figure out what the next step was and how I could continue to grow in this area.
If I am honest, I felt overwhelmed at times by the all the information and skills necessary to be effective. Yet, I would also have to be honest and say that I am fairly certain there is a reason for why I am doing all this "waxing on, and waxing off". I truly believe God is allowing me to partner with him to "create" meaning from the death of Brian.
The first couple of years I was "searching" for meaning. More recently, I have been able to "find" meaning in the way God has brought good from a tragedy in my own life. Yet, now, I am actually able to "create" meaning.
"Creating" meaning has been one of the most fulfilling and inspiring things I have ever experienced. I don't even know how to write about it or explain it....I just know when it is happening and it feels great....
I have no idea how long this "waxing on, waxing off" period will last. God may have me in training for a long time. However, every once in a while I get a glimpse of who God may be leading me to become. I'm content to keep waxing....I really am.
Thank you God for the past couple of days.....I am extremely grateful and amazed at how you work in my life. To God be the glory!
1 comment:
Just came across your blog and will be adding it to my blogroll (see "form letter" message below- my apologies).
Don't worry about your son and the nails. My brothers and I played Barbies with my sister growing up, and we all turned into healthy productive citizens!
(Form letter follows:)
I am working on a comprehensive listing of widow/er blogs and have just added yours to the list. Please feel free to e-mail me if you know of other blogs that should be listed, or if you do not wish to be listed, at splitsecondsinglefather@yahoo.com. It is so hard to find these blogs through regular web searches, and I would like to help change that. At least for now, there will be a growing, categorized list in at least one place. Thanks for helping others who are on a similar journey. Best regards, 3SF
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