I was driving along this week when I heard the song "Wish You Were Here" by Mark Harris. I googled it and found the lyrics and discovered it was actually an old song that I had just never heard.
I still have thoughts rumbling through my head about what Brian might say to me if he had the chance. I think this song might be representative of what he might say.
If you have never heard it, here are the words:
Wish You Were Here.....
I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we've had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
No don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for His hands
And one day they'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally free
Finally free
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
The song does a couple of things for me....it puts into perspective life and death....and eternity....and I never considered that maybe Brian would just say to me...."I wish you were here"....."I wish you were here"....
And....then...he would probably say.....but you aren't here....so keep living....keep loving...keep trusting....I can see what's ahead for you and God is good.....follow your heart and chase some big dreams.....take some risks....have some fun.....and soon you will be here.....soon you will be here.....and then you will see....and then you will see.....
I think the reason he would say "I wish you were here" is not because he needs me there....or that he is missing me or waiting for me to get there....maybe the point of him saying "I wish you were here" is that he would know how frustrated I am with trying to "understand" how this happened and how it fits into God's plan for my life....he, of all people, would know that the mystery of God's hand in my life can only be revealed fully when I have all of eternity as my perspective....in other words, "Shelly, I wish you were here because I know you how badly you have been hurting and I just wish you could see what I see and experience what I have experienced....because it is all true...God is faithful and will be faithful to you for all eternity....I wish you were here because I know how confused and conflicted you have been...and there is no way for me to describe it, you just have to be here to truly understand it...."
I don't think he would feel compelled to address the past or try to explain God and His plans for my life.....I think he would just keep pointing me towards the future.....pointing me to trust God with the big picture.....I think he would want me to let go of what I needed to let go of in order to rebuild my life.....and I think he would find a way to communicate his love for me and the kids in a way that would give us enough closure to move forward....he loved us with all of his heart...he would remind me of that....
So.......really, the only thing he could say....that would be helpful at all....would be "I wish you were here".....
I guess I hoped that maybe there would be something I could dream up that he could say to me that would make all of this ok....and that would give me what I needed to make peace with his abrupt departure.....
But....that is impossible....this side of heaven.....
Until I am there....I can't understand it....
Until I am there....
Shelly
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12 comments:
Wow Shelly. When Smitty told me last night that you had posted the "What Brian would say to me" post, I couldn't even imagine what you would write about. But this was one of the most moving and touching things I've ever read. Your perspective is truly honest, refreshing, and yes, poetic. No pat (or Sunday School) answers, just truth that states, "Until I am there....I can't understand it....
Until I am there...."
Growth is an interesting thing, eh?
His peace.
B~
Like Bruce said this is the most moving thing I have ever read......I am keeping it.......
THanks friends...you all are such an encouragement to me....
Growth....Bruce I do see it.....it is interesting. I was actually thinking that this morning when I re-read it.....I have really grown through this....had I written it a year ago, it would have been so different....
Frankly, the way the post turned out is not at all what I had thought it might be...I imagined needing to hear other things from Brian....but "I wish you were here" would do it.....and I think it might be exactly what he would say if given the chance....
Here's to healing....God does provide it.....it just takes a lot longer than we ever imagine....
A very moving tribute to faith and hope in Christ. Thank you.
-TR
Shelly,
What a powerful piece. Thanks.
Now, I know why you wanted that song.
Your post seems very fitting for what Brian would say. Very beautifully written and touching. Just remember...one day you will be there.
grace to you, Shelly and to your children. My mom died when I was seven, leaving a young husband and four of us kids... You worte in one of your comment responses, "Here's to healing....God does provide it.....it just takes a lot longer than we ever imagine...."
I was in my 30's when a "final" healing came to me over that loss... by "final" i don't mean her untimely death finally made sense... just that I received a grace that put my long, mostly deep backgorund, grieveing to rest... by the grace of the Lord... again, grace to you and your children...
Shelly,
That same thing happened to me, I heard the song on the way to work, then again on the way home... I looked it up and found the song and also your blog... unlike the suddeness of your loss, Linda was sick in hospice for 73 days, only expected to last a few weeks when she went in but made it 10 weeks.... of course with all the morphine she was on it was hard to know when she was really there. She died a few weeks after our 29th anniversary, it's been over a year now. Your words said so perfectly what I feel inside, you just said it so much more beautifully than I could have. I want to share them with Linda's Mom and sisters, as well as our son and daughter, and the grandkids when they are older.
Thanks for sharing,
Danny
My wife and I lost our son and daughter-in-law to be in a roll-over car accident 6/29/06. This was a week before their wedding. Happened as they were driving home to Tucson. So we had a double funeral instead. They were 23 and 22 yrs old. The song is what they would be saying to us.
Shelly,
Music is my pain medicine of choice and this song has been the one to sooth my hurting on more than one occasion.
Blessings,
Marsha
Dear shelly... I happen to browse for lyrics of this song, and i saw you had it over here. at first i only wanted to get the lyrics for my brother who video of burials and he might want to use a part of the music along the way , i never really thought of somebody else while listening to this music. but after i read ur blog, i realized, that the first person i thought and i cudnt help but cry, is my boyfriend. my boyfriend for 4 years in a long distance relationship and we kept our relatioship strong till now. we have so many dreams , unfulfilled cos we cant be together physically. but our minds and souls and hearts are always interconnected. i cudnt fully understand why i cried reading your post. but along the way, i have bene thining if there is someone i lose and wanted to hear something from him, i wish it's my boyfriend. telling me in one of my dreams , "wish u were here..."
also, this song painful it is, my current relationship is always hoping, and wishing for , " wish u were here"... i wish and pray, we cud be at least together , spend more time, before the end of our lives.
late it maybe, but condolence to you.
thank u for a heart-reaching post.
Dear shelly... I happen to browse for lyrics of this song, and i saw you had it over here. at first i only wanted to get the lyrics for my brother who video burials and he might want to use a part of the music along the way , i never really thought of somebody else while listening to this music. but after i read ur blog, i realized, that the first person i thought and i cudnt help but cry, is my boyfriend. my boyfriend for 4 years in a long distance relationship and we kept our relatioship strong till now. we have so many dreams , unfulfilled cos we cant be together physically always. but our minds and souls and hearts are always interconnected. i cudnt fully understand why i cried reading your post. but along the way, i have bene thining if there is someone i loss and wanted to hear something from him, i wish it's my boyfriend. telling me in one of my dreams , "wish u were here..."
this song painful it is, my current relationship is always hoping, and wishing for , " wish u were here"... i wish and pray, we cud be at least together , spend more time, before the end of our lives.
late it maybe, but condolence to you.
thank u for a heart-reaching post.
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