This is my second spring break to spend alone without my kids and without Brian. Last year was nice in some ways but also very difficult because it was the first time for me to be alone in the house without Brian and without kids. It was more of chore to make it through that first spring break. I stayed really busy and tried to get lots of things accomplished and checked off my list. The busyness kept me from being still too long to realize how lonely I was.
Fast forward to this week. I have really, truly enjoyed my time alone. Last night I ate dinner in the living room on the floor while I watched American Idol (now that is living...ha!). I have accomplished some things but haven't felt the need to keep myself overly busy.
This week has given me a little bit of hope for the future. Someday these kids really will grow up and be gone. And, I think I will be ok when I am alone. I think I might even have some fun.
No, I am not wishing that they were grown and gone. I am just realizing that this life of mine will not always be as it is today. It should be getting a little bit easier every day....the days of running myself ragged will not last forever. And, I need to enjoy this time with the kids as much as I can....
Tomorrow....I put the mom hat back on....I am ready....it has been nice...I feel a little bit more rested...and a little bit more hopeful....and I think that once again I can see a little bit of evidence of change in the grief process...for that I am grateful.
From Dr. James Dobson's book, "In the Arms of God".....
"Our task is not to decipher exactly how all of life's pieces fit and what it all means, but to remain faithful and obedient to Him who knows all mysteries".
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