I would have been offended if someone had told me that Brian's death would actually bring our family closer....yet, today I realized the kids and I have bonded in an emotional and spiritual way that few families experience while their kids are so young.
The topic in class today was on the "heart connection" that is necessary for children to develop with their parents. For once, I walked away from class feeling like this was an area that we had some strength in as a family.
I do feel connected to my kids emotionally and spiritually. We have had some intense bonding times over the past 3 1/2 years.
When I think about feeling close to my own parents ,I think of those defining moments that usually occur around deaths, graduations, special milestones, failures, etc. I think I remember every time I have ever seen my dad cry. It was during those times when he was most vulnerable that I felt the most connected.
My kids (particularly Nathan and Lexi) have been exposed to my vulnerabilities to an extent that is not typical. We have cried together on numerous occasions....they have seen me cry more times than they will ever be able to remember....as a result, I believe the connnection is very strong.
To be sure, we have also had a lot of fun, happy, light times. We have not quit living over the past 3 1/2 years. We have made some incredible memories together. Those memories are treasured by all of us beause we understand how important it is to make memories.
In addition, my kids still have a strong heart connection with their dad....I am thankful that he invested in them heavily so that they have many memories to draw from when they want/need to feel connected with their dad.
A blessing in disguise was recognized today....we have worked hard (as hard as I have ever worked at anything in my life) to grow forward as a family and to express emotion with each other authentically....and I am grateful for the strong relationship that has developed with my kids (it's not perfect by any means, and there will be many tests of it as they get older....)....but, I do have a lot of hope and faith that my kids are going to be more than just ok.....and for that, I am grateful.
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