I wondered today....

I was outside doing some yard work when, for some reason, the thought hit me "I wonder what Brian would think if he pulled into our driveway and walked in the front door?" I don't know why I sometimes have these odd thoughts that begin to take me down a thought process that is interesting and sometimes emotional.

I wondered what he would notice as being different and what would seem familiar?

Would he compliment me on the flower beds or the lawn? Would he realize what a stretch it has been for me to try to take care of it all? Would he notice some of the new flowers and bushes that I put in that look so nice right now?

Would he be surprised to learn that I had gone back to school? Would he question why I put the kids in piano lessons (especially Nathan since I am sure he would rather see him doing "sports")?

Would he think its cool that we have developed a Friday night tradition that includes pizza (his family tradition growing up) and a movie (his favorite thing to do)? The kids insist that we do this EVERY Friday....if we don't, they want it done on Saturday night.

What would he think about Nathan's longer hair? Actually, I think he would be proud that I have allowed him a little bit of freedom in that area.

How would he like the new bedding and curtains in our bedroom?

What would he think about the car I purchased this year?

And the questions in my mind kept popping up....

Why?

Why do I wonder what he might think?

Because I still love him and hope that he would be proud of the life I have tried to rebuild.....Because of the love that he gave me I want to continue to think about him sometimes....I want to wonder what he would think....I want to imagine him being proud of us....and maybe laughing at us about a few things.....like the cordless weedeater and blower I bought, I am sure he would get a good laugh about that. And, I am darn good at using those two cordless items. I don't like doing it and my allergies hate me for it, but I have learned to be rather competent at the yardwork.....


For the gift of memories and the blessing of love, I am grateful....profoundly grateful.