Progress

Much progress was made this weekend. My parents were here and my dad helped me with all of my homeowner issues and landlord challenges. I am thankful for his willingness to step in and help when I am at the end of my rope. It really wasn't all that bad. We took things one issue at a time, one furry friend at a time...and I feel much better about everything!

I think I may be at another transition point. I realize that it is time for me to either sink or swim....and I much prefer swimming. I have had a lot of help these past two and a half years and it is time to figure out how to make sure I don't impose or intrude on others every time I have a need or issue.

It's a good thing....it's just a little tricky when I don't know what I am doing in many, many instances. '

The practical stuff is easier to figure out than the emotional stuff. It is still really hard for me to process feelings, decisions, insecurities, etc. on my own. Brian was always my buffer and he was my best friend. I think the emotional intimacy is what I miss the most now. I believe most of the other adjustments have been made....but, learning to be alone emotionally is tough.

Another thing that I have realized is that I don't have as much to offer in a friendship. In most cases, I am the more needy one. I have never been one to be a "needy" person. As a matter of fact, typically I have been one to attract "needy" people for friends because I was willing to give more than I can now. However, friendships should be a two-way street. Maybe I am realizing that I haven't been able to contribute to a friendship like I should be in order for the relationship to be healthy.

So, here I am stuck in the middle. I need the emotional connectedness...I need people I can vent to....but, I can't offer the same in return to the same degree. Or, maybe I could and do offer it but no one else "needs" me like maybe I "need" them. I think I am going in circles...I obviously don't have it figured out.

I don't really know what the answer is to my dilemma. Isolating myself doesn't work and it isn't what I want. Yet, I realize that I need friendships a whole lot more than friendships need me.

It's been a good weekend though....even thinking about replacing my car....may make a decision this week!