A Blue Christmas...(second edition)

Last night I attended a "Blue Christmas Service" at a Methodist church in Fort Worth. I went by myself hoping to engage in a meaningful worship experience that would acknowledge the pain of the holidays for those who are still grieving the loss of a loved one. Up until this year I had not heard of such a service. Every Christmas service that I had ever attended was completely focused upon the joy of Christmas. Because of my life experience, I now understand that while there is a lot of joy at Christmas there is also a lot of undeniable pain.

I found the service to be extremely meaningful and well done. If nothing else, it acknowledged the difficult emotions and validated the sorrow that we all feel when we are facing the holidays without the people we most want to share them with. I don't think we do a very good job of giving people permission to grieve at Christmas. We tend to shove down their throat the "hope and joy of Christmas". To be sure, there is a lot of hope and joy that should be celebrated at Christmas. However, to deny the sorrow is less than appropriate.

So, like many things in my life and experience, I realize that "balance" is the key. Obviously, Christmas isn't meant to be about "loss". I am not suggesting that all people need to find a balance. Clearly, for many people it isn't even an issue. Yet, for some, Christmas is an "in your face" reminder that life has changed and loss has done its damage.

I remember the first Christmas without Brian. Our church, like most, had a beautiful service that celebrated the birth of Jesus and showcased the gifts and talents of our congregation. I was caught off guard when "I'll be Home for Christmas" was sung and I thought I was going to completely lose it. I didn't go to that service expecting to feel such deep pain and sadness. But, it happened and it was one of the most difficult services I have ever sat through. I don't begrudge anyone for that and I certainly do not think there was anything inappropriate about the service. It was beautifully done. It honored Christ.

The point....is that Christmas tends to magnify our losses. I don't feel it was unspiritual of myself to be affected by a song. I think it was "human" of me. Likewise, I don't think God expects us to deny the sorrow. Rather, I think God asks us to bring Him our sorrow. And, in bringing Him our sorrow, we find His glorious presence.

Last night, this particular church invited us to bring our sorrow to God. There was no shame in it. There was nothing "unspiritual" about it. And, I saw people doing just that.....and I believe it honored God....


For me personally, I am glad that I had a chance, in a formal way, to acknowledge the sadness I still feel as I approach Christmas.....because, truthfully, it still hurts and I still miss him....and that's ok. And, in some odd way, I think giving myself permission to still feel his loss has freed me to continue to work on fully embracing the Joy of Christmas. I found some balance already this year....and for that, I am grateful.