Do you remember when your faith was brand new....when you made the decision to follow Christ?
I remember how passionate I was about my decision. I remember how convicted I was. I remember how simple my faith was. I remember how obnoxious I was to my friends who weren't believers....
I think I have said this before, but....the older I get the more I realize how little I know and understand about God. I don't make faith decisions like I used to....I analyze every agonizing detail about every decision I make. I question people who seem to think they have God wrapped around their little finger.....as though everything in this world that happens is a direct result of their relationship with God....
It really annoys me when I hear people giving God credit for things that I just don't believe He had much to do with....I struggle with knowing how much we sometimes use God to rationalize our decisions or to make ourselves seem spiritual....and, to be really honest.....gut level honest....I have wondered if sometimes I just use God as my coping mechanism too....especially through the grief journey.
What is our faith supposed to look like? How do we balance good critical thinking skills and good decision making with trying to follow God, wherever He leads, whatever He says...
I think I have made my faith far too complex...I haven't lost my faith...I just am not sure how to use my faith anymore.....without questioning myself too much....without wondering if I will be wrong again......
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4 comments:
You will probably be wrong again.....but He won't stop loving us if and when we are....
Excellent point....I will be wrong again today and tomorrow and the next day after that.....maybe it is more of a realization of how shallow my faith has been...and how much I need my faith to deepen.....
Don't we all......maybe it's in our struggles that He uses us the most.....dang....if only He didn't use us so often....please keep sharing your journey....
I think you've been hanging out with me to much, my friend. On a more serious note...great post. I know several people who use God to explain something or to rationalize something when they don't have any other reason or answer. Those people annoy me as well. I'm not so sure on what you meant when you said you use God as a coping mechanism through your grief journey.
I think all of your questions are developing a deeper faith in you. Because of the loss you have experienced in your life, I see you growing in your faith in such a way that you aren't afraid to ask the hard questions, thus becoming more authentic in your faith. Shallow faith...I think we all have that to some extent. I am probably the head of that department. Yet I think that it's in the yearning for a deeper faith, that a deeper faith develops.
Each and every day we do something that is "wrong" in regards to our faith. Yet I wonder if through those "wrong" things that we do or don't do, if that is playing a part in deepening our faith, in making it more personal than ever before?
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