Random Thoughts

First, let me apologize that my blog has become all about "me". I feel like it has become more of a journal for me than a thought provoking blog. It has been good for me but probably irrelevant to most others. For the time being, I think it is serving a purpose for me but probably not for others. Please be patient and I will eventually go back to more universal issues.

I am beginning the process of trying to flesh out thoughts related to my grief journey. This would include things I have questioned, learned or are still trying to figure out. Humor me a little with the following random thoughts.....

*There is more to my life than what I see now. There is more to this life than I will ever see.

*I can't base my faith only on what I can see, have seen or will see.

*I am trying to base my faith on who God says He is and who God has shown Himself to be.

*When what I see does not match who God says He is, then it is either a matter of perspective or timing.

*My past experiences with God are a good predicter of God's work in the present and the future. If I am completely honest, I have seen God use most every circumstance in my life to achieve His purposes. There are still some circumstances that His purposes have yet to be revealed. But, because I have seen Him do it before, I trust He will do it again.

*Healing does not mean that my emotions will someday be disconnected from my grief. Healing means that I am able to integrate the past into my present with hopes of a future that will include joy and contentment.

*Healing means I have a healthy view of my relationship with Brian. I am honest about our shortcomings and thankful for the many happy memories.

*Healing means I am learning strategies to compensate for the loss of Brian's presence in my life.
....like recognizing areas he balanced me out in and learning to try to move towards the middle on those issues
....like actively seeking ways to organize my life so that the stress of being an only parent does not harm the relationship I want to have with each of my children.
....etc, etc....

*God has shown Himself to be faithful to me and the kids in every area of our life.

*God has met every need that we have and provided excess in many areas of our lives.

*My goal is contentment, not happiness. When I find contentment, there will also be happiness....but there can be no happiness without contentment.

*I loved Brian with all my heart. He loved me and the kids with all his heart. Our marriage was not a mistake, it was a blessing. I will choose to always remember it that way and be thankful for the three beautiful children that God gave us.

*Brian and I did not do anything to cause this to happen. This is not punishment. This is not the consequence of sin in our life or our marriage. This was a consequence of being alive and living in a dangerous world. Brian made a split second mistake that caused an accident that ended his life. That is all.

*God is aware of my pain. He has comforted me in my pain. For that I am grateful.

*I do not want my life to be defined by this tragedy. Rather, I want my life to be redefined in a way that honors Brian, trusts God and moves forward to embrace the possibilities that lie ahead.

*Me and the kids are going to be more than just ok. Settling for a life of sadness and anger is not an option. We will have many joyous days ahead. I look forward to it.

*I believe there is more to be gained by letting go and reaching forward than by holding tight my grip on the past.



Nothing profound, just some random thoughts.....