Since we have yet to solve the great mysteries of how God works (connect the dots theology), I thought maybe a discussion on perspective would be appropriate.
Perspective. Isn't that one of the key elements of being human that limits our understanding of God? We have mostly a horizontal perspective. God has a vertical perspective. We see only what is right in front of our horizon. The analogy I came up with is this: I love the mountains. I adore the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Have you ever been on one of those windy roads up to the top of the mountain? It seems like you are almost going in circles. But, every once in a while, you get a clear view behind you or in front of you. When that happens, you are able to see where you have been or where you are going. You are able to appreciate the path it takes to get to where you are going because you can now see how it got you to where you are. So, maybe our perspective is like that winding road. Every once in a while we get a clear view of where we have been or where we are going. But, for the most part, we can't see anything but trees and rocks and the road that is just in front of us.
For me, personally, I am in the middle of a bunch of rocks and trees on a relentlessly winding road. Maybe, just maybe, if I keep plodding ahead I will catch a glimpse that goes beyond my horizon. I know enough about God and have experienced His grace enough to know that there is a beautiful mountaintop experience somewhere ahead...give me patience and perserverance to keep driving.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Connect the Dots Theology
For the first three and a half decades of my life I think I had this "connect the dots" theology about my life and God's plan for my life. In other words, I thought God had this grand "connect the dots" plan for my life and all I had to do was make sure I understood where the next dot was. That theology came from passages like Jeremiah 29:11 where it seems to indicate that God has a plan for us...a good plan...plans to give us a hope and a future. Well, that worked pretty well for me until now. I have struggled and agonized over "God's plan" for my life. I would say that I have even been "obsessed" with trying to figure out His plan. All of this struggle was, of course, brought on and exacerbated by the death of my husband. Prior to his death, it seemed as though I understood God and I understood the direction our lives were heading. Life was pretty predictable and God made sense to me...
Fast forward to today....after 15 months worth of thinking, analyzing, searching....I no longer believe in a "connect the dots" theology. I look at Scriptures and find very few passages that talk about a specific plan for each of us...a connect the dot picture....the majority of references that talk about a "plan" are pointing out the uselessness of man and his plans. Instead, they usually focus on "God's purposes" instead of "God's plan". I also didn't find any passages where Jesus talks about a "plan" for each of us (feel free to point out passages that you find).
My conclusion: I need to focus less on figuring out God' s plan for my life and more on God's purposes being accomplished in my life. I am not saying that God doesn't have a plan. I believe he did or does (insert prior to the fall type notions versus the sinful world) have a plan. However, it is not something I could comprehend. I liken it to the internet. If I could have a discussion with the inventor of the internet (which wasn't Al Gore) and I were to ask him "How does the internet work?" I think he would look at me and know that there was no way I could understand the complexities of the millions of lines of code that it took to create the internet. So, I don't think he would even attempt to answer that question. Instead, I think he would focus on the purposes and benefits of the internet. Same thing with God. Yes, there are millions of lines of code...yes, God does understand them and know them for each one of us. Nope, I can't understand it. So, instead God tells me to focus on His purposes. He tells me trust Him, not understand Him. That's where I am at....trusting...not understanding...and I am ok with that...for now.
Fast forward to today....after 15 months worth of thinking, analyzing, searching....I no longer believe in a "connect the dots" theology. I look at Scriptures and find very few passages that talk about a specific plan for each of us...a connect the dot picture....the majority of references that talk about a "plan" are pointing out the uselessness of man and his plans. Instead, they usually focus on "God's purposes" instead of "God's plan". I also didn't find any passages where Jesus talks about a "plan" for each of us (feel free to point out passages that you find).
My conclusion: I need to focus less on figuring out God' s plan for my life and more on God's purposes being accomplished in my life. I am not saying that God doesn't have a plan. I believe he did or does (insert prior to the fall type notions versus the sinful world) have a plan. However, it is not something I could comprehend. I liken it to the internet. If I could have a discussion with the inventor of the internet (which wasn't Al Gore) and I were to ask him "How does the internet work?" I think he would look at me and know that there was no way I could understand the complexities of the millions of lines of code that it took to create the internet. So, I don't think he would even attempt to answer that question. Instead, I think he would focus on the purposes and benefits of the internet. Same thing with God. Yes, there are millions of lines of code...yes, God does understand them and know them for each one of us. Nope, I can't understand it. So, instead God tells me to focus on His purposes. He tells me trust Him, not understand Him. That's where I am at....trusting...not understanding...and I am ok with that...for now.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Transformation
The word "transformation" describes all that has been going on with me over the past 15 months. My life is being "transformed" into something I never asked for nor did I ever want. However, this "transformation" continues to force me to discover things about God that I never knew or cared to try to understand.
I am a 36 year old mother of three children. I am also a widow. My husband died in an accident in June 2005. I never expected to do life this way, with this identity, with this element of struggle.
Grief has a transformational component to it that I will never completely understand or be able to put into words. In many ways I am completely lost. I can't seem to get my bearings and find direction for my life. I get overwhelmed with the "why" and the "how" and the "what next". I am completely clueless as to how God will use my life to accomplish his purposes.
However, inasmuch as I am sometimes completely lost...there are also times of complete clarity. I see remnants of my old life and my old self but there is a transformation going on within me that manifests itself in this new identity that is emerging. The times of clarity come when God reveals Himself to me in ways that could only be understood and appreciated from my current vantage point. God has shown Himself to be faithful to my family in ways that are indescribable. I am only just beginning to realize how complex and multi-dimensional God is...and how ridiculously simple (and self-absorbed) my faith continues to be.
I am a 36 year old mother of three children. I am also a widow. My husband died in an accident in June 2005. I never expected to do life this way, with this identity, with this element of struggle.
Grief has a transformational component to it that I will never completely understand or be able to put into words. In many ways I am completely lost. I can't seem to get my bearings and find direction for my life. I get overwhelmed with the "why" and the "how" and the "what next". I am completely clueless as to how God will use my life to accomplish his purposes.
However, inasmuch as I am sometimes completely lost...there are also times of complete clarity. I see remnants of my old life and my old self but there is a transformation going on within me that manifests itself in this new identity that is emerging. The times of clarity come when God reveals Himself to me in ways that could only be understood and appreciated from my current vantage point. God has shown Himself to be faithful to my family in ways that are indescribable. I am only just beginning to realize how complex and multi-dimensional God is...and how ridiculously simple (and self-absorbed) my faith continues to be.
Evidence of Grace: My First Post
So, I am dipping my toes into the world of blogging. I keep a hand-written journal but maybe this will replace it. It is a little bit intimidating to write about my feelings and struggles in such an open environment. But, I suppose I reserve the right to censor that which I don't want public.
The title of my blog came from Smitty's (crockpotfaith) entry about her struggle with seeing God's grace in the lives of the people around her. Well, I figure all anyone has to do is look at my life and they will see the "evidence of God's grace" written on every page of my life.
Life has not been easy or fair to me and my kids but God's grace has been sufficient. I find it a little bit hard to be too whiney about the position I find myself in because of the way God has blessed us with His grace. For me, grace shows up in the people God has placed in our life to support and minister to us. The evidence of grace is that my family is continuing to function and is beginning to flourish again even in the midst of great personal tragedy.
Oh yeah, let me make one thing perfectly clear.....the ONLY reason that we are functioning and beginning to flourish is because of God's grace. It isn't because I am strong or brave or courageous. I get falsely accused of those things sometimes. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, it has EVERYTHING to do with the sufficiency of His grace.
The title of my blog came from Smitty's (crockpotfaith) entry about her struggle with seeing God's grace in the lives of the people around her. Well, I figure all anyone has to do is look at my life and they will see the "evidence of God's grace" written on every page of my life.
Life has not been easy or fair to me and my kids but God's grace has been sufficient. I find it a little bit hard to be too whiney about the position I find myself in because of the way God has blessed us with His grace. For me, grace shows up in the people God has placed in our life to support and minister to us. The evidence of grace is that my family is continuing to function and is beginning to flourish again even in the midst of great personal tragedy.
Oh yeah, let me make one thing perfectly clear.....the ONLY reason that we are functioning and beginning to flourish is because of God's grace. It isn't because I am strong or brave or courageous. I get falsely accused of those things sometimes. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, it has EVERYTHING to do with the sufficiency of His grace.
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