It's been a nice weekend in our household. We've had basketball games and jump rope performances, and I got rid of my washer and dryer and old refrigerator today. Some men from our church came and got the three appliances this morning and will make sure someone in need receives them. As I watched them load up this morning I was touched by their care and concern for people in need. Thank you God for men who help others. I was blessed by them today.
Report cards came and went a week or so ago. All three kids continue to do extremely well. Each of their teachers had wonderful things to say about their work ethic and progress. I've made it my new mantra to tell my kids often that I want them to be the hardest worker in their class. They don't have to be the smartest or fastest, but I do expect them to work the hardest. They are kids, but they are beginning to apply that to their lives. Nathan's teacher wrote that he has a work ethic like no other fifth grader she has witnessed. I was impressed that she said that. I'm thankful for how God has worked in their lives and provided healing and resilience.
I'm excited about lots of things at work. There are many new goals and challenges ahead. I am thankful for the opportunity to serve here for the past fourteen years. Even on tough days, it's still one of the best places in the world to work.
I look at my house and my closet and realize neither one of those things are top priorities for me. Having the most elegantly decorated home or wearing the most "in" clothes really don't matter. I've tried to care about those things...tried to envision making my home more "hip"....tried to shop for clothes that are "in"...but, I usually fall short....and frankly, I don't really care. Maybe more than that though, is the fact that I don't have time to care. It takes a lot of time and effort to shop and renovate. I don't have that luxury and that's ok. I'd rather spend time and money on trips with the kids making fun memories than have the most decked out house or the most stylish wardrobe. It's taken me a while to realize that's just not who I will ever be....and it's taken me a while to realize that I think my kids will remember the fun things we did together rather than the furniture or clothes they had when they were young. So, I will be trying to update my house as I can...and I will always want to "try" to look nice...but, I'm completely focused on making "memories" with the kids.... and I am confident that is a great investment!
It's been interesting the past couple of weeks because I am an associate member of an adult class at church. They recently formed new care groups. For the first time in 14 years, a church member (as a representative of an ABF) contacted me to see how we were and if I had any prayer requests. I had forgotten how good it feels to have someone (from an ABF) care about you. Another member of the group saw me yesterday and invited me to go to lunch with the group on the first Sunday of every month. Again, I was flattered to be invited. However, it brought up an ongoing struggle. Married people really don't want to hang around with a single mom and her three kids. They will do it every once in a while or on special occassions...but as a general rule, it just isn't a good fit. Which, makes me sad...and reminds me how different I am. I know they don't really want to hang out with me, but I'm glad they asked.
In the past 2-3 weeks I have had an increasing number of conversations with people who want to know if I have dated or would consider dating. In some ways, maybe it feels good they are asking...because most people have never broached that subject with me. I've often wondered what people think of me and whether I would get remarried. I'm still pretty confused on that whole topic. I get conflicting opinions and advice. My main focus has to be my kids but I do wish I wasn't doing this alone. I pray God will continue to help me want what He wants for my life...everything else will fall into place.
Life is good and sweet....the kids are in a groove right now...Braden is doing very well...and when he is doing well, we ALL do well.....
For a good weekend, I am grateful.
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2 comments:
Wow, so many of the thoughts that have gone through my head, especially relating to the last two paragraphs about fitting in and the whole remarriage thing. The "fitting in" is still a difficult one for me. I just don't know where I belong. Remarriage -- well, maybe I'm strange, but I still have no desire even after 6 years. Yes, I hate doing the parenting thing alone and being alone but it just hasn't been a priority. Too much other stuff to deal with. Anyways, thanks for sharing. It always helps to hear others' perspectives and that I'm not so unusual after all.
I am happy for you that life is going well. You seem like a very dedicated and loving mother and your children are being blessed by that. Do keep up the fun with them -- that IS what they'll remember.
Much love,
Beth
I saw your posts at Wade Burleson's blog and came over to read more. While I have not had the same experience as you in losing a spouse, I understand loss through different experiences, as is often the case in life. I do grasp how hard it must be to be to not have a father for your children and a husband to help carry the other responsibilities in life.
I was particularly interested in your comments concerning those in the "church" who might not really want to be with you as a single parent with three children. Obviously, I do not know anything about your group but as a general comment I would say this is quite unfortunately true in most churches. Frankly, in our current institutional form we have moved so far away from church as family that situations such as yours create difficulties for the institution, since you do not fit in a box that the institution likes to put all of us in as a matter of convenience. It is my personal conviction that this is most certainly not what Father intended for his church. My prayer is that you will find a group of Jesus followers across different ages, gender, marital status, etc. that can be "family" for you and your children. May you know the love of God the Father, the grace of the Lord Jesus and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
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