Am I down? Yes. Depressed? I'm not sure. Maybe. Should I be? No. Life is very good. God has blessed our family in many, many ways this year. Still, I am down. Feeling ambivalent about giving...which usually is one of my favorite things to do. In my head, I know I shouldn't be depressed. There are so many things I can be thankful for. However, my emotions tell a different story. I'm sad. Not all the time...just when things slow down or I am by myself...then I feel this heavy sadness. When I'm around other people I can be happy and I can be productive.
I miss having someone to go shopping with me...someone to get excited about putting Christmas together for the kids....someone to carry the big toys out of the store or put stuff together the night before. I miss doing life with someone besides myself. Maybe that's it. Christmas is magnifying what is missing...
I don't like doing life alone.
Maybe that's why I am struggling.
I know Christmas isn't supposed to be about me....or about what is missing....it's about God's great gift to the world. God help me focus on you.....help me see beyond myself....give me your sense of peace and purpose....for that, I will be so grateful.
2 comments:
Dear Shelly:
I found your blog through another blog. You are not alone in your sentiments. I have been a widow 6 years, Nov. 7, and this year I have been filled with a sadness that I can't seem to rise above. On the outside I appear o.k., on the inside, another story. Is it depression? -- maybe, or is reality hitting again in full force that says: "You're on your own!" But like you, I pray that my focus will be on God and His gift to us. May God continue to bless you and your children and may He fill you with His undeniable presence at this time.
Blessings,
Beth
Being the one and only parent is hard every day in every situation but it certainly is magnified this time of year. It's just not the way we'd imagined our life would be and it sure would be nice to have our husbands here to be part of the preparations (and everything else!). Thinking of you and understanding your struggle.
Debbie
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