One of those days...

Life is sweet and good but there are still "those days" when I find myself sad and discouraged. Today has been one of those days. I'm sad that my kids don't have two parents to help them with all the things they need help with (homework, sports, manners, responsibility, etc.). I'm sad that Braden had very little of Brian's influence. His behavior today has been less than stellar and I can't help but wonder if he would be a different little boy if he had his dad in his life.

I'm discouraged that I am carrying the weight of our entire family on my shoulders. I feel like I have been disengaged with the kids lately. I'm studying for the big test next week and I know that I have been distracted and gumpy. I don't look forward to carrying this responsibility for the rest of my life. It's too much and I am tired right now.

I'm sad that I can't be more involved in some areas of my kids lives. Circumstances just don't allow it. I wonder what it would be like to only focus on them...instead of my job, the future, etc.

I'm sad that I am alone. I'm a relational person and I miss having that special relationship with someone.

I'm discouraged and worried that my kids aren't going to reach their potential because they are at a disadvantage in many areas. Yet, I don't know what else I can do.

I'm tired of doing homework with three kids every night. I wish their dad was here to help.

I'm sad that Brian's parents are coming in tomorrow and I am not sure where our relationship is going. I also wonder what they will think when the wedding pictures are not out and Brian's presence is more low key in terms of decorations in the house.

I'm frustrated with myself that sometimes I get frustrated with people who "don't get it". I wish I could let people's "pettiness" roll off my shoulders. I wish I wouldn't let it bother me when they complain about their husbands....when I just wish I had one.

And....I'm scared to death that I am not going to pass the NCE on Thursday.......it's so much material.....

Just one of those days.....

I hope tomorrow is better.....