Christmas 2009

Christmas 2009 was a memorable and magical one.  We were blessed with 8 inches of snow in Oklahoma to give us a beautiful White Christmas.  There is just something wonderful about a White Christmas. 

We had a chance to go to Great Wolf Lodge the night before we drove into Oklahoma.  I got word of the snow storm (make that a blizzard) that was coming and drove back home from Grapevine to get winter wear for the kids before we left.  It ended up being a good call because they really used all their snow gear that I went back for.  Score one for mom!

Great Wolf Lodge was a very sweet time with Brian's family.  I feel fortunate to have a good relationship with them and my kids truly enjoy spending time with their cousins.  We had a total group of 17 running amuck in the hotel.  It was memorable, fun and LOUD!

Christmas Eve was spent with my family.  We rushed through the dinner to open presents so that family could leave before the roads got too bad.  Both my brother and sister had a hard time getting home and could not get in their driveway.  I was thankful I didn't have to go anywhere that night.

Christmas Day we spent with Brian's family.  Brian's dad called and offered to come get me and the kids so that we didn't have to drive on the bad roads.  I was glad he did because the roads were pretty dicey.  We spent the whole day with them and enjoyed most every minute of it (minus the few squabbles the kids got into over who was to sit where).  

I drove back yesterday so that I could be home for church today.  It was a nice, quiet evening and I have enjoyed some "me" time today.  I went to downtown Fort Worth and did some shopping.  I was given a gift certificate (last Fall) that had to be used in Sundance Square so I enjoyed hanging out at the Starbucks/Barnes and Noble bookstore for a while this afternoon.  Interestingly and surprisingly,  I ended up in a conversation with someone there that was enjoyable.  I'll leave it at that.  You just never know what a day holds.

I'm home by myself for a couple of days.  I'm going to enjoy it and drink up the silence.  The kids are spending time with my parents in Oklahoma.  They are loving the snow there!

I'm thankful for this Christmas season...it was sweet and memorable...for that I am grateful.

It's Done!

I closed today on the commercial property. It was interesting driving through Granbury, over to the title office in Acton, and to the bank in Granbury. It brought back memories of Brian's dreams. He had a business in Acton for a while and the town was barely recognizeable. In Granbury, I couldn't find the bank. I finally had to call and get direcions because I hadn't been to the bank since dad and I were there a few weeks after Brian's death. When I got there nothing seemed familiar. Nothing. I guess I was completely out of it when we were there because it was almost confusing how disoriented I was in relation to where the bank was and what it looked like on the inside. I even asked the teller if this was a new location. She looked at me like I was an idiot. I am sure she was thinking "I better check the I.D. on this girl because she doesn't even know where she is at." I closed out the account today. I can't tell you how good that felt.

I no longer have anyone's business but my own to take care of. I can live with that. I no longer have to take calls about building issues, or hunt down my tenants for their rent check, or meet with contractors to address issues with the building, or worry about what new city code they may try to force me to meet, or watch the radar to see if a flood is coming through Granbury, or go online to the bank and check my balance only to see that they haven't paid their rent yet, or anything!!!!!!!

The sign went up November 4th. We closed on December 21st. I'd say that was a Christmas miracle. I'll take it. The economy is in the toilet, there are vacant buildings in Granbury that have been on the market for over a year....and my building sells and closes within 6 weeks. Only God can do that. I am grateful for the way He answered my prayers.

Thanks be to God!

Breathing a sigh of relief...

It appears we have been cleared for closing on the commercial property in Granbury. The title company issued the commitment to title today and the title work showed all clear. The issue I had been concened about turned out to be a non-issue. I'm very thankful and grateful that it appears to all be working out.

I feel a little guilty for feeling frustrated with Brian...but it is what it is. Turns out I had no reason to be frustrated with him. I guess it is just part of the complicated process of taking care of business for someone who is no longer here. The good news is that this will be the last uncompleted business transaction I have left. I still have a rent house but that one is fairly easy to take care of. This will be the last issue that he left me to have to figure out. I'm very excited about the possibility of moving into 2010 with only my business to tend to.

Thankful for good news....I needed it! Hoping to close by the end of the week or first of next week....a great Christmas gift indeed!!!

Struggling to stay in the Christmas Spirit

I can't put my finger on it but I am just struggling this year to really enjoy the process of getting ready for Christmas with my kids.  I did some shopping today but it wasn't any fun and I had to work hard at making myself spend money.

Am I down? Yes.   Depressed?  I'm not sure.  Maybe.  Should I be?  No.  Life is very good.  God has blessed our family in many, many ways this year.  Still, I am down.  Feeling ambivalent about giving...which usually is one of my favorite things to do.  In my head, I know I shouldn't be depressed.  There are so many things I can be thankful for.   However, my emotions tell a different story.  I'm sad.  Not all the time...just when things slow down or I am by myself...then I feel this heavy sadness.  When I'm around other people I can be happy and I can be productive.  

I miss having someone to go shopping with me...someone to get excited about putting Christmas together for the kids....someone to carry the big toys out of the store or put stuff together the night before.  I miss doing life with someone besides myself.  Maybe that's it.  Christmas is magnifying what is missing...

I don't like doing life alone.

Maybe that's why I am struggling. 

I know Christmas isn't supposed to be about me....or about what is missing....it's about God's great gift to the world.   God help me focus on you.....help me see beyond myself....give me your sense of peace and purpose....for that, I will be so grateful.

Lexi and her Horrible, No good, Very bad Day!

About thirty minutes before school let out the nurse from school called me.  It's never a good thing when the nurse calls your cell phone...at least that has been my experience.  She called to tell me that Lexi was helping a classmate do a presentation in front of the class when she had an accident.  When she said "accident", I thought she meant she fell or something fell on her...some type of injury.  She went on to say that her clothes got wet and her shoes and that she had given her some clothes to put on.  I was still confused.  I thought to myself "wow, what kind of presentation was this?  Were they doing some type of experiment with water?"

When she paused, I asked her:  "when you said accident do you mean something fell on her?"  She paused...and I realized what had happened and quickly said "you mean an ACCIDENT?"  She confirmed that Lexi had wet herself in front of the whole class.  I was flabbergasted.  

Then, I was sad for her....and I asked the nurse "is she ok or was she upset?"  The nurse reported that she was devastated by it.  A mom was in the classroom and quickly tried to rescue her from the situation but Lexi fell apart.  So, I jumped in my car and rushed up there to take her some shoes and try to get her home without her brothers knowing what had happened (yeah for my neighbor who picked up the boys for me).  

When she saw me she started bawling.  She was just heartbroken.

We got her shoes on and she collected herself and we left.  Then we went to Sonic and got a slushee and some cheese sticks...that always makes things better.

Yes, it was a horrible, no good, very bad day....for my sweet Lexi.

I hope the kids in her class have amnesia about this tomorrow.  I know that if they don't...I'm coming after em....

Growing up is so hard....and watching your kids hurt is even harder...

She'll be ok....and I suppose she will have a great "Most embarrassing story" to tell some day.

By the way...the story is that she was helping a boy hold up his poster for his presentation.  She said she was trying to hold it until he was done and was afraid the teacher wouldn't let her go until he was done.  Of course the teacher would have let her go....but in her mind she was stuck....

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day...

Spent

I'm spent emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I've been running at break-neck speed for the past two weeks.  Literally, running from one thing to the next.  I made a hospital visit on Tuesday and squeezed it in between my final class at school and a parent/teacher/child conference.  I ran through the parking garage to shave off some time...drove 80mph to get there...ran from my car into the school to slide into the conference with about 1 minute to spare. As soon as that was over I rushed over to Starbucks to meet the realtor and sign the contract.   On Monday, I was eating lunch with the staff when I got a text from my realtor requesting an immediate meeting with the buyer.  I left lunch early....drove like mad to Granbury....froze my tail off standing in the cold building ( I forgot my coat)...and then drove like made to get back to work for another meeting.

Today, was just as bad.  I had three appointments/meetings in the morning, a going away luncheon, an appointment after lunch and then I had to deliver an 8 foot tall rocket to Lexi's class and see her presentation.  In between all that, I discovered a potential issue I will have to deal with at closing.

Being busy is tough....but, not as bad as being surprised and caught off guard with things you have no control over.  

One of the difficult things about this whole process has been finding out issues that Brian didn't tell me about.  Most of the time, these issues that pop up cost me money.  In this particular case, I'm not sure exactly what will happen or what it will cost me.  Brian didn't share with me everything about his business.  I didn't expect him to.  However, now that he is gone...it is hard to be surprised by things and not be a little angry, frustrated and even hurt.  

I'm mad that I am the one that has to deal with everything....I'm sad that he's not here to help me through it and at least provide emotional support...and I am frustrated that just when I think things are about to come to resolution, in pops another surprise.

The reality is...things will be ok.  The issue is minor in most people's book but it feels major to me because I wasn't expecting it.  It feels like a punch in the gut and it knocks me off course when something new pops up.  It knocks the emotional breath out of me and I have to work hard at processing the issue without him here to explain why there is an issue.  I know that Brian never intended to leave me with the messes he left me with.  I know that he would be sad to know what I have had to deal with.  I know all that in my heart...but it still just feels like I am never going to get to move forward with my life without some nagging issue in the background.  I have worked so hard to tie up loose ends in his business world.  And, for the most part, things have worked out better than I could have expected.  I just need it to end.  I want to only be responsible for my life...my choices...my bank account...my bills...I am tired of fixing past issues.

Oh yeah....Christmas is just around the corner and I am not anywhere near being ready....no pressure....I just have to be ready for Santa to come by next Friday night.  I'm overwhelmed at the thought of trying to get all that done.  

So, I'm spent....tired...frustrated....

But, I also see there is an end in sight....God, help me get to that end....

And, I'm still so very grateful that I have a buyer for my building....I feel very fortunate and lucky to have sold it this quickly....if it all works out it will be less than 6 weeks from the time the sign went up to the day we closed....that just doesn't happen....God has been good to us...for that I am grateful.

Moving Forward...

Still moving forward with the sale of the building.....

I had a face to face meeting today with the buyer.

I am meeting with my realtor over my lunch hour tomorrow to sign the contract.

She will take it to the buyer and get it signed tomorrow afternoon.

Closing date will be right before or right after Christmas.

Moving forward....one signature at a time.....

I may have stepped foot for the last time into my building.  I wasn't sad.  I'm not sad.  I won't be sad.  I am ready to be done.

It's not the ideal time to be selling commercial property....but, for me...it's the right time to do it.  I need to move forward and take this hat off for good.

There will be some major celebrating going on in our house.....can't wait!

If the world will just not fall apart between now and the time of closing....maybe we will get this thing done....

Grateful for an eventful 2009!