Christmas 2009

Christmas 2009 was a memorable and magical one.  We were blessed with 8 inches of snow in Oklahoma to give us a beautiful White Christmas.  There is just something wonderful about a White Christmas. 

We had a chance to go to Great Wolf Lodge the night before we drove into Oklahoma.  I got word of the snow storm (make that a blizzard) that was coming and drove back home from Grapevine to get winter wear for the kids before we left.  It ended up being a good call because they really used all their snow gear that I went back for.  Score one for mom!

Great Wolf Lodge was a very sweet time with Brian's family.  I feel fortunate to have a good relationship with them and my kids truly enjoy spending time with their cousins.  We had a total group of 17 running amuck in the hotel.  It was memorable, fun and LOUD!

Christmas Eve was spent with my family.  We rushed through the dinner to open presents so that family could leave before the roads got too bad.  Both my brother and sister had a hard time getting home and could not get in their driveway.  I was thankful I didn't have to go anywhere that night.

Christmas Day we spent with Brian's family.  Brian's dad called and offered to come get me and the kids so that we didn't have to drive on the bad roads.  I was glad he did because the roads were pretty dicey.  We spent the whole day with them and enjoyed most every minute of it (minus the few squabbles the kids got into over who was to sit where).  

I drove back yesterday so that I could be home for church today.  It was a nice, quiet evening and I have enjoyed some "me" time today.  I went to downtown Fort Worth and did some shopping.  I was given a gift certificate (last Fall) that had to be used in Sundance Square so I enjoyed hanging out at the Starbucks/Barnes and Noble bookstore for a while this afternoon.  Interestingly and surprisingly,  I ended up in a conversation with someone there that was enjoyable.  I'll leave it at that.  You just never know what a day holds.

I'm home by myself for a couple of days.  I'm going to enjoy it and drink up the silence.  The kids are spending time with my parents in Oklahoma.  They are loving the snow there!

I'm thankful for this Christmas season...it was sweet and memorable...for that I am grateful.

It's Done!

I closed today on the commercial property. It was interesting driving through Granbury, over to the title office in Acton, and to the bank in Granbury. It brought back memories of Brian's dreams. He had a business in Acton for a while and the town was barely recognizeable. In Granbury, I couldn't find the bank. I finally had to call and get direcions because I hadn't been to the bank since dad and I were there a few weeks after Brian's death. When I got there nothing seemed familiar. Nothing. I guess I was completely out of it when we were there because it was almost confusing how disoriented I was in relation to where the bank was and what it looked like on the inside. I even asked the teller if this was a new location. She looked at me like I was an idiot. I am sure she was thinking "I better check the I.D. on this girl because she doesn't even know where she is at." I closed out the account today. I can't tell you how good that felt.

I no longer have anyone's business but my own to take care of. I can live with that. I no longer have to take calls about building issues, or hunt down my tenants for their rent check, or meet with contractors to address issues with the building, or worry about what new city code they may try to force me to meet, or watch the radar to see if a flood is coming through Granbury, or go online to the bank and check my balance only to see that they haven't paid their rent yet, or anything!!!!!!!

The sign went up November 4th. We closed on December 21st. I'd say that was a Christmas miracle. I'll take it. The economy is in the toilet, there are vacant buildings in Granbury that have been on the market for over a year....and my building sells and closes within 6 weeks. Only God can do that. I am grateful for the way He answered my prayers.

Thanks be to God!

Struggling to stay in the Christmas Spirit

I can't put my finger on it but I am just struggling this year to really enjoy the process of getting ready for Christmas with my kids.  I did some shopping today but it wasn't any fun and I had to work hard at making myself spend money.

Am I down? Yes.   Depressed?  I'm not sure.  Maybe.  Should I be?  No.  Life is very good.  God has blessed our family in many, many ways this year.  Still, I am down.  Feeling ambivalent about giving...which usually is one of my favorite things to do.  In my head, I know I shouldn't be depressed.  There are so many things I can be thankful for.   However, my emotions tell a different story.  I'm sad.  Not all the time...just when things slow down or I am by myself...then I feel this heavy sadness.  When I'm around other people I can be happy and I can be productive.  

I miss having someone to go shopping with me...someone to get excited about putting Christmas together for the kids....someone to carry the big toys out of the store or put stuff together the night before.  I miss doing life with someone besides myself.  Maybe that's it.  Christmas is magnifying what is missing...

I don't like doing life alone.

Maybe that's why I am struggling. 

I know Christmas isn't supposed to be about me....or about what is missing....it's about God's great gift to the world.   God help me focus on you.....help me see beyond myself....give me your sense of peace and purpose....for that, I will be so grateful.